The one I love
by Karinka-ten
Summary: sakura was a teenage outcast when she met Syaoran. She fell in love with him and waited for the day she found the courage to tell him. Their meeting sets the story of their lives together over 13 years. their joys and their pain.
1. Chapter 1

The First Times

Chapter 1

All about the Boy

Prologue

I never thought that at the age of 30 I would be waiting for my husband to sign divorce papers. I was well on my way to joining the single womens' club. I have not been single since I was 17. I am one of those women who got knocked up, married their high school crush and ended up wishing I could go back in time. Of course it was not all bad. In fact, Syaoran Li made me the most happiest woman in the world. I cant remember when things became bad. I cant remember why and when we started fighting but we grew apart everyday for the past year. This is a story about love. Its is the story about how I met the man who brought joy to my life which evolved to misery.

I was 15 years old when I met Syaoran Li. We had been in the same class for years but never spoke. I was more aware of his existence more than he was aware of mine. He was the golden boy of the school. A stubborn overachiever ready to conquer the world. He was kind to everyone, though I never really noticed this about him until we became friends. I on the other hand, I was the awkward teen. Your typical awkward teen. I had braces, I was too thin and slouched when I walked. My father always cut my auburn hair short because my mothers hair was short and I reminded him of her. I could never find the courage to tell my father that I wanted to grow my hair out, remove my braces and perhaps get nicer clothes. I felt like I would be asking for too much. He was trying his best. Unlike Syaoran Li, I was out of tune, never really fitting in anywhere. My silence was often mistaken for arrogance. So for the most part of my teenage years, I was alone, with a notepad where I would draw manga characters and create my own imaginary world. This form of seclusion was what eventually led me to Syaoran.

One afternoon in algebra class, I was scribbling in my notepad. My mind was on overdrive with ideas; I even forgot where I was. I focused on every detail of the new character I was creating, her super powers and back story. Suddenly, I heard heavy breathing. When I looked up, Mr. Young was standing in front of me. His golden eyes piercing strictly through me. He was one of the worst teachers Tomedea high school had to offer. He did not love young people, it was almost tragic that he was a teacher.

"Do you mind explaining why you are drawing in my class?" he asked me sternly.

The entire class turned to look at me. I specifically noticed Syaoran who appeared sorry for me. I choked for a moment as beads of sweat gathered on my greasy forehead.

"Is that a rhetorical question?" I said bravely wishing I could take back my words.

My. Young raised an eyebrow surprised. I think he thought that I was a mute all this time.

"Excuse me?" he said. A few of the students laughed including Syaoran, who kept meeting my eyes.

"I don't see the point of me learning algebra. I'm into the arts and your class is boring." I said to him terrified in my mind. I imagined what my father would say when he was to find out that I was kicked out of school.

"DETENTION! AFTER SCHOOL" Mr. Young yelled at the top of his voice "this generation is rude." he muttered coldly to himself and I was pretty sure I heard him say "f**k this school, f**k this job."

He returned to his desk and said "Put that nonsense away."

I smiled to myself. I wanted to seem brave. I wanted to be that rebel chick you see in the movies.

"Thanks to miss ...miss...the lady over there, the entire class is going to write a quiz. The grade will go towards your semester mark."

The class scolded me with their eyes but Syaoran just smiled at me then turned away to look at the board. I could feel my cheeks turn crimson. I was in trouble and my father would find out. I was a bad child. I wanted to cry now, immediately regretting what I had done. Who was I trying to impress? Syaoran Li...was that it. Did his gaze lead me to loose my senses.

When the class ended, I could hear the other students say harsh words about me. I decided to walk out fast so that Mr. Young does not keep me for a lecture. I could still see Syaoran from the corner of my eye as he packed his books. His hair looked soft against the beams of the sun that escaped through the shutters. Suddenly, as I stood there, caught in infinite embrace, a girl with jet black hair, swept across the room and grabbed him by the wrist. They started talking and laughing...and I slowly walked away.

That afternoon was my first high school detention. We had to sit in a classroom and write words from the dictionary. I was the last person to enter the class. There were three other students, seniors and then there was Syaoran. He was sitting in the front role. He stared at me and my heart did a back flip. I pretended I did not see that. I was on my way to the back of the class when when the teacher taking detention, Mrs. Kamiya ordered me to sit on the desk next to Syaorans. I settled there and decided I was going to focus on the detention itself then go home.

The first 30 minutes were uneventful. Everyone was quiet writing down words from the dictionary. I kept raising my eyes to look at the clock that hung above the black board. Suddenly, Mrs. Kamiyas phone rang. She rushed out of the room quickly as though she had been hit by a wild case of diarrhea.

"That was really ballsy of you today." Syaoran spoke.

I looked around me. I suspected he was talking to someone else.

I was quiet.

"Not much of a speaker." he said running a hand through his soft hair. He looked straight into my eyes. For a moment, it felt like he could see my soul.

I blinked hard and replied "I speak."

He smirked "Good to hear that."

I nodded awkwardly.

"I wish I had the guts to talk to Mr. Young that way. He is a real dick ya know." he said casually like we were old friends.

"Yeah. A dick." I had never said the word 'dick' out loud before.

There was a moment of silence. I took a deep breath, tuck the short bangs of my hair behind my ear and said coherently "Why are you in detention?"

"I was late everyday this week." he said.

I nodded and since we were having a conversation going,I did not want it to end, I said to him "I'm never late. My Dad is such a dork about time."

He smiled, he seemed amused. I was sure that I had convinced him that I was interesting enough.

"My parents are the opposite. They are always dragging me in their tardiness."

We smiled at each other meaningfully.

"So why do you hate Mr. Young?" I asked now with more confidence.

"I hate the fact that he wears a taupe...and he keeps failing me in his class on purpose."

I raised my eyebrows, surprised at the wild accusation.

"My father and were buddies in high school. Mr. Young was the most intelligent student in their class. In the end, my father invented a computer program which turned him into a millionaire and Mr. Young ended up teaching at his old high school." Syaoran raised his shoulders and thought for a moment "at least that is my theory."

"Wow. I didn't know it was so tough being rich." I said worried that I was overstepping the boundaries.

He laughed "You have no idea..."

"Hmmm, let me guess. Your parents are jerks and you were raised by a nanny and they give you everything you want to make up for it"

He shook his head "No. My parents are nice people, who raised me and never let me have anything despite the fact that they can afford it."

I nodded "Not the typical rich boy."

His eyes smiled at me "So, whats your story?" he asked me.

I blushed "I am your typical outcast with a sad backstory and wild dreams."

"You are really grim." he said.

I was quiet for a moment. I just turned a fun conversation into a pity party. I had to redeem myself. "I also have a ginger cat called Kero. I work as an entertainer for kids parties for my uncles company and...I draw. All the time..." I stopped when I realized I was trailing off.

"You're interesting. I like that."

We smiled at each other before Mrs. Kamiya walked back into the room.

After detention, Syaoran offered to walk out of the school halls with me. We chatted about our lives like we were best friends. We complained about the school and its dumb rules. Before I knew it, my father was at the drop off with a discerning look on his face. I jumped into the jeep and waved Syaoran goodbye. I imagined we would never talk again. It was just one of those things. He was too popular and there was nothing special about me. How would I keep him interested in wanting to know me.

As my father drove off I silently thought about him. I knew instantly then that I loved him. Every being of him with everything in me. I needed him in my life. I needed him to come back.

"Whats the matter?" My father asked when we got home "You have been quiet. I know you had detention and I am disappointed."

"Um, sorry about that." I said.

I did not want to tell him that I was in love and it was hurting me. It caught me out of the blue and I was not sure how I was going to go about living knowing that Syaoran and I will never be together. I locked myself in my room and listened to music about love that was not meant to be. My self esteem was so low that I had made my mind up that Syaoran would not want me in that way. I thought of all the beautiful girls in my class and suddenly, I felt insecure even more. I hated my braces, I hated the fact that my breasts were still very small and I worried puberty was done with me. I did not wanna look like I was 12 forever.

The next day was a Saturday, thankfully. I decided to go to the mall and try to find something that could give me more confidence. I felt stupid for even being insecure. I thought that if I had a mother, things would be different. I walked into a cosmetics store and started looking at the make-up. A woman approached me and asked me if there was anything specific I wanted. I smiled shyly "I just want something that suits my skin tone." The lady suggested a magenta lipstick which I tried on. I looked at the mirror pleased. She told me the price of the lipstick and my jaw dropped. I thanked her and pretended to look around the store for something else. When the woman was not looking, I picked up the lipstick and slid it in my underwear under my skirt. I never attempted stealing before that day. I walked casually out of the shop. My heart was beating very fast. The moment I was out of the shop I smiled. Sure, I was turning to a life of crime. But it was in the name of love. Everything was justifiable as long as it was in the name of love.

Suddenly, a large man appeared in front of me. He was in a security guard uniform. He told me nicely that the manager of the shop saw me take the lipstick and she wanted to see me. Unfortunately, a few girls from class were passing by. They stopped to see what was happening and giggled amongst themselves. I felt humiliated.

I went back to the store with the security guard where the manager was sitting behind the counter. She had a white thin face full of make-up.

"Im sorry." I cried, tears threatening to fall from my eyes "It wont happen again mam."

She raised her eyebrows. "So, you decided to steal and hide the lipstick in your underwear? Why is that?"

"I can't afford it." I said "Im in love with a boy and I want him to like me. I want him to think Im beautiful." I looked down at the floor ashamed. I could only be honest.

She smiled at me kindly "You should want him to love you for who you are and not for how you look."

I was quiet.

"I know it sounds cliche but if he is the type of guy who only likes girls according to how they look on the outside then he is not worth your time. If he loves your heart, he will love everything about you. Even if you dont feel the same way about yourself."

I forced a smile.

She stood up "Confidence will also take you far."

"So, you won't call my father." I said desperately.

"No. You can pay for the lipstick in installments." she said to me. "Promise me."

I nodded.

"I can't let you off easily. Children need to learn to be responsible for their actions."

I was quiet.

"Now get out of here before I call the police."

I wiped away the tear stains on my cheeks and left the store.

When I got home, I locked my bedroom door and wept into my pillow. I felt horrible. I felt like I was loosing my values and my identity. I imagined that everyone at school will be talking about me.

I only left my room that weekend to eat food. My father would look at me worryingly. He seemed confused on how to deal with a teenage daughter. I did not want to look at the lipstick I stole. I threw it in the bin. It reminded me that I was a criminal...and of my imperfection.

I dreaded Monday. I walked through the corridors with my backpack almost forgetting where my locker was. If I could, I would hide in the bathroom all day.

I only saw Syaoran in class. I made sure I looked busy so that he did not approach me. If he knew that loving him was turning me into someone I'm not, what would he do? I could hear his voice as he spoke to our classmates; his smooth laugh and the different tones as he told stories.

That afternoon, I sat by the bleachers alone. I took out my note pad and pencil. When I looked up, I saw Syaoran approaching me. He was wearing his soccer uniform.

I sat still...my heart was shaking.

"Hi Sakura." he said walking up the stairs to where I was.

"Hi." I responded cooly. It was the first time I had heard him say my name.

"So, I heard you got arrested over the weekend." he sat next to me.

I blushed "I was not arrested." I sounded defensive.

"I'm sorry. I really just wanted to see what you are doing." he looked up at the football field seriously "I got this feeling you were avoiding me."

I looked at him "No...Im sorry. It not that. I almost got arrested for shop lifting. I don't know whats wrong with me."

He nodded. "Growing up is confusing."

"I have a feeling you think Im this wild child. Rebel with a cause. The truth is...that's not who I am...Ive never even been to a high school party or drank alcohol" I wanted to say "or kissed a boy" but held back.

"You don't have to explain yourself." he said to me. He looked at my note pad. "Are those your drawings?"

"Yeah."

"Do you mind if I look at them?"

"Sure."

As I gave him the note pad I thought that Syaoran Li was amazing. He would be the first person to see the depths of my imagination. He didn't care about the little things that worried me. He was kind and honest to me. While everyone was trying to fit in, Syaoran had already discovered that standing out is a better trait. He did not feel sorry for me. I was his equal, his friend. And I was going to be his friend until the last day of high school when I first told him I loved him

To be continued.


	2. Chapter 2

The one I love

Chapter 2

The friend zone

I hated Syaoran's friends. I did not understand why they thought that acting like idiots and walking the high school halls intimidating and scaring the freshmen was cool. I did not understand where Syaoran fit in with them and why he wanted me to be part of their so- called-gang. I tried to be alone, I was alright being alone but Syaoran would appear from nowhere and drag me to the popular kids table.

"I like your bracelet." the one girl, Tomoyo commented as I sat shyly next to her. I blushed, not very used to complements.

I can see Syaoran's eyes scrutinizing me from afar; desperately wanting me to like Tomoyo.

"Are you coming to Eriol's Birthday Party on Saturday." Tomoyo asked.

"Um...no..."

She smiled resting her cheek on the ball of her palm. "You should absolutely come." she said warmly leaning in to hug me. It was awkward. Tomoyo was awkward. Her long curly hair flowed easily around her round face. She was beautiful, that was the first thing people noticed about her.

The moment the bell rang, I freed myself from the group and ambled my own way. However, I stopped in my tracks when Syaoran carefully put his arm around me. I loved it when he did that. My heart would beat every time. Syaoran and I had been friends for almost two years. I had been a friend separate from his other friends and now he was trying to make me a part of them. I was watching him change; transitioning from a boy to a man. He was irresponsible for the most part and sometimes I felt like I was loosing him. I could never master the courage to confess to him. The timing was never right. There was always someone else he liked.

"Tomoyo is nice right."

I smiled at him "Yea. She is."

We walked slowly next to each other "Good."

"I feel like I am being set up." I complained.

He laughed "I am setting you up with someone. Not Tomoyo. On a romantic level."

I blushed "Who and Why?"

"Eriol." He said "My cousin Eriol."

I wrinkled my nose.

"Whats with the face?"

We stopped walking.

"I don't like Eriol that way and I have only meet him twice." I said. I was genuinely not interested in Eriol despite his good looks and perfect English. I hated it that Syaoran was acting overjoyed by the idea.

"Just come to the party." He told me in a soft serious voice. "Its our senior year Sakura. I don't want you to look back one day and regret not having the time of your life."

I sighed.

"I worry about you." he said.

Who was this guy worrying about me. I was almost angry at him. He knew I was content on my own. I did not understand why he was trying to change that. I felt like he was saying that he did not like the way I was. I took a deep breath to keep myself from exploding.

"Okay, okay...I'll be there."

He smiled "Good."

I pulled an annoyed face which made him smile more sweetly.

Friday night I wore my little black best dress and pumps. I wore my hair loose and lightly put on make up. I was happy with how I looked and knew that I was going to surprise everyone there. I felt more confident in myself. Syaoran was going to come pick me up and bring me back by 10. I heard his voice coming from downstairs and suspected that he and my father were talking.

I hurried into the living room. I was prepared for him to complain about my tardiness. My father and Syaoran both smiled. Syaoran's eyebrows shot up.

"She looks more and more beautiful everyday." My father commented.

Syaoran looked unusually out of words. He tucked his hands in his pocket and simply nodded with a smile.

As soon as we got in the car he found his voice again "So...where did you get that dress from."

I was confused.

"Um...the mall...River Island."

He nodded and kept his eyes fixed on the road. He suddenly looked nervous and worried...and anxious. During the rest of the trip Syaoran was stuttering, repeating himself and taping the dashboard like he usually did when he was uncomfortable.

When we got to the party, he hurried to open the door for me, which was not unusual. The Party was at a mansion close to the local gold course. Syaoran was quiet. We walked into the party and were greeted by all of his friends. Tomoyo was the most friendly towards me out of anyone. She complemented my outfit.

"You look so pretty. You can be a model, I promise. My mother owns a fashion agency." Her words surprised me. While I spoke to her, I notice Syaoran leave the room. I was worried for a moment but Tomoyo's company kept my mind off of it.

He returned with a bottle of beer in one hand and a cup in the other hand.

"You're drinking beer." I said surprised.

He nodded casually. I looked around me and noticed everyone was drinking.

"Here, I got you some punch."

I took it from his hand. He sat next to me.

"Does this have alcohol in it?" I asked him.

"Yeah." he said to me. "Drink up. Get drunk with me."

I shook my head. I was disappointed with him. I did not expect to see this side of him. I was quiet after that and so was he. He stood up and said he would be back. I did not take a sip of the punch.

I sat there by myself for a few minutes while everyone got drunk. Suddenly Eriol walked up to me. He reached his hand out.

"Lets dance." he said calmly. He was tall with short black hair, fashionable glasses and a medium built like Syaorans. One might even argue that he was more handsome than Syaoran. He looked like a modern hipster.

"Um..no thanks." I said trying not to make eye contact.

"Come on. Please Sakura. Its a slow song. You don't even have to move."

I took a deep breathe then took his hand. He lead me the dance floor and left a polite distance between us as we danced.

"Don't worry. I don't drink either." he said to me.

"I just don't get it." I said out loudly though I did not intend to. "Syaoran just drive me so crazy sometimes"

"Me too." he said looking into my eyes and laughing. "He just wants to get wasted when he is with his friends."

I nodded feeling aggravated and thinking about how I am not going to talk to him for a couple of days.

"I'm glad you look out for my cousin. He needs someone like you. I can tell you are different." he pulled me closer "in a good way."

I said nothing and just took in the information.

"He has not been himself with his parents getting divorced and all."

I gasped inwardly "He never told me that?"

"Seriously? He found out about 3 months ago."

I tried to recall his behavior in the past few months and then suddenly I felt sad. I wanted to see him and I wanted to go home. I broke off the dance and told Eriol "Im sorry. I need to find Syaoran."

I looked for him everywhere, asking everyone in the house. Finally, I heard his voice coming from the tv room. He was talking to a group of guys.

"That girl has really grown into her skin." the one guy said. "Too bad you decided to give her to your cousin. If I were you, I would be all over that."

Syaoran placed a burning cigarette between his lips and allowed to smoke to smoothly escape his nostrils. "Sakura and I are just friends..." As he said this, his eyes met mine. I walked out of the room.

"Sakura!" he yelled out my name. I walked through the kitchen outside the french doors. I felt him grab my wrist and he muttered.

"Are you mad at me?"

I said nothing.

He threw the cigarette on the floor and stepped on it "I know you are mad at me." he spoke with a deep voice.

I pulled my hand from his grip and turned around to face him.

"I am mad. You left me there alone, you tried to get me to drink alcohol, you are smoking, getting drunk..." then tears started to build in my eyes "and you are did not tell me that your parents are divorced. You are my best friend, how could you not tell me the most important thing happening to you?"

He raised his shoulders "I don't know."

"That's not good enough. I tell you everything. Ive told you about my mothers death and my insecurities but you close yourself up for me."

He was looking directly at me. I was uncertain if he was even listening. I started to wept cradling my head in the palms.

"Im sorry." he said moving in to hug me. I could smell the alcohol on his breath. "Im an asshole. Im sorry Kura."

The tears stopped pouring from my eyes and I muttered "Im sorry. Im sorry you are going through all this."

He was quiet. I could feel his heart beating fast as he hugged me. All I felt was warmth and peace. I did not want him to let me go.

I withdrew my head and looked up at him. His eyes were bright despite the pale moonlight. He tangled his fingers through the bangs of my hair and looked into my eyes. Suddenly he leaned in and brushed his lips against mine before stopping. I stood still. His breath was on face. Light rapid breathes. The moment felt delicate. It was like standing on the edge of a cliff. And then he gently kissed me. I closed my eyes and kissed him back. My heart was beating so fast it almost hurt. I could feel desire in the pit of my stomach and my mind went blank. I could not think. I just wanted him to keep kissing me.

He suddenly broke the kiss to my displeasure.

"Im sorry." he apologized. "We can't do this. You are my best friend."

"Ya." I nodded quickly taking a step away.

"And I'm drunk." he added.

I was heartbroken. I felt my heart crumble.

"I did not tell you because I didn't want you worrying about me. I thought I can handle it by myself. But yeah...Im not taking it too well Kura." he shook his head and blinked quickly as though he was about to cry "I did not see it coming. I thought they were happy. Now they are fighting over the house. Fighting over me." he took a deep breathe as though to ease his nerves "When I am with you, I just want to be happy. I want to laugh with you and see you smile. Ive always acted like I was the one who had my shit together but in reality, you are the one. You know who you are. I love you for that. You are my true friend."

My heart was beating in my throat. The word "friend" disturbed me. It was like an itch on my back that would not go away. I felt horrible that I cared a bit more about the status of our relationship more than what he was going through. I walked over to him and hugged him for a moment.

I took his hand "Im going to call a cab and we are going to go to your place.

"Ok. Ok." he said looking drunk again.

Syaoran could barely walk straight. I practically had to push him into the taxi. He fell asleep halfway through the trip. I woke him up when we arrived at his place. I took the keys from his pocket and opened the front door. We slowly walked up the steps to his bedroom with his arm around my neck. He was muttering things I could not make out. He went into his bathroom to wash his face but came back with his shirt extremely wet. He tried to un-botton it but kept missing.

I walked up to him and undid every button carefully. I could feel his gaze lingering on me. I could feel him staring at my cleavage. My heart was once again out of control and I could feel the blood in my cheeks.

"You are so beautiful." he said in a half whisper.

I helped him pull his shirt down his arms.

"You are so drunk." I tried to act normal.

"I mean it. I know that sex is off the table but...you are beautiful. Especially tonight in that dress. It makes me...uncomfortable. "

I blushed at the word "sex".

"Please...I don't think about that." I said hiccuping at the end of the statement from all the tension in my throat.

"Yeah...Right." He walked up to his bed where he collapsed into a deep sleep.

To be continued


	3. Chapter 3

The one I love

Chapter 3

Love games

Nothing else ever happened after that night. Syaoran apologised and that was it. He called me early the next morning while I was busy feeding my cat and simply said "Im sorry". I was not sure what I was expecting. He was drunk and he was going through so much. I was being selfish for expecting much more. Things went back to normal, except for the part where he would tell me about what was happening with his parents and how he felt about it all. We would skip our early classes and hike up the mountain near school. We would look ahead and talk about life. We we didn't care that we were skipping classes. I was going to be a manga artist and didn't think statistics was important…and Syaoran, he was not too sure what he wanted to do with his life. He would joke about joining the circus or working as a slave for his father.

One morning we got into a heated debate about prom.

"You need to go to prom." He insisted.

I shrugged looking over at a tower afar. "What do you mean need? I think as soon as classes finish, Im out of here."

He laughed "No seriously."

I looked at him "Why does it even matter?"

"It just does." He said heavily.

"I think you are worried things are going to suck after high school." I told him honestly. "You got admitted to the University of Tokyo. From what Ive heard, University is better than high school."

He said nothing. I could hardly tell what he was thinking these days. He would go into these quiet modes where he looked caught in thought.

"Are you going?" I asked.

He looked at me as though my sentence overthrew him. He was blushing for some reason and looking at me intently before breaking off his gaze and saying "I think I'll ask Tomoyo."

My heart sank "Tomoyo?"

He nodded "You think she is nice, right."

I plastered a smile "She is really nice."

There was an awkward silence.

"Im going to ask Eriol." I blurted out.

Syaoran coaxed his head surprised "He doesn't even go to this school…you don't like him…remember."

I smiled "You don't have to ask someone who goes to this school."

"Well, you changed your mind very quickly."

I raised my shoulders "I'm allowed to change my mind."

"You don't even like him." He blurted out.

"He is handsome and has manners. Which is very rare with teenage boys."

Syaoran's lips tightened into a thin line. He stood up "Lets head back to class."

I slowly got up dusting the grass off my skirt "I don't understand you." I told him. "I know you are upset with me but Im not sure why."

"I'm not upset. If you want to go with Eriol, that's your business." He walked away slowly.

I laughed "Okay…fine!"

"Besides, Eriol just wants to get into your pants." He said as though he was talking to himself.

"What?" I said aloud.

Syaoran kept walking, keeping his back on me.

"Everyone is trying to get into each other's pants on prom night." I said out loud. "Aren't you going to try to do the same with Tomoyo."

"No." he said quickly.

I was quiet.

He turned around "I wanted to go to prom with you." He said in a soft voice.

We looked at each other and then I said "Then why didn't you just say so in the first place!" I was still yelling and didn't understand why.

"You act too much like a hard ass. You think you are too cool for school."

I looked around us dramatically. "Hello! It was your idea we come here every morning and skip first period. Who is too cool for school now?"

He smiled at me then said calmly "Why are you still yelling?"

"I don't know!" I yelled back.

He smiled. It was the first time he had smiled like that in months. "Then will you?"

I looked at him confused.

"Will you go to prom with me Kura."

I blushed.

"As friends."

He looked down and said "yeah as a…friendship…type thing"

I was quiet then I nodded "I'll do the stupid prom. For you."

He turned around and carried walking on the trail.

We didn't say anything to each other. I was happy. I was going to Prom with someone I loved. I did want to go to prom. I pretended not to want to go due to the humiliation of not finding a date.

We reached 2nd period and sat across from each other. Tomoyo walked up to us. She greeted me then turned to Syaoran.

She looked nervous and tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Syaoran, would you go to prom with me."

"Sorry." He raised his shoulders "Im going with Sakura already."

I could feel butterflies in my stomach but I tried to act cool about it. I had to remind myself that it was on a friendship basis.

As I was leaving the classroom, Tomoyo walked up to me. She smiled and said "Can we talk."

I nodded. I was nervous about this.

We walked alongside each other to the next class "So are you two dating now."

I blushed "No. We are just friends."

She looked at me surprised "So you are going to prom as friends?"

"Yeah." I said confidently.

She sighed "You two are frustrating. I asked Syaoran if he has feelings for you and he said no."

The news broke my heart. I tried to act calm then Tomoyo added "From his behaviour I think he is lying. He always beats around the bush, like Sakura is my friend, I care about her. It's frustrating because I really like him."

My eyes nearly shot out of my sockets.

"And Im definitely sure you like him too…or love him." She said casually. She was not even looking at me as spoke.

"What do you want from me?" I asked stopping in my steps.

She shrugged "It just drives me crazy the game you two are playing."

I didn't know what to say."We aren't playing a game."

"You. You have been playing a game from day one. You have to tell him you like him. I know the two of you are friends but it is in everyone's best interest if you do. Eriol likes you, a lot. You are making this love square so frustrating"

My eyes shot up and a laughed intentionally.

"Love square? I didn't know I was in a love square."

Tomoyo nodded then sighed "I needed to get that off my chest." She walked away "Think about it."

….

I did think about it. What had been holding me back all this time? Could it be that Syaoran felt the same way and all this time we had been playing a game? Hiding from each other. Suddenly my phone rang. It was him.

"Are you sleeping?"

"No." I replied.

"I figured you were still awake. Im watching a gameshow."

And just like that, I didn't say anything.

I spent the days leading to prom with Tomoyo. She was sure to remind me about confessing to Syaoran once every day. She asked Eriol to prom and he accepted. We spent the entire week looking for dresses, having brunch and realising that we could have been good friends all this time. She was always honest and it was refreshing.

I eventually found the perfect dress. A sky dress with an umpire waist. Tomoyo was going to wear white dress.

"Syaoran will love you in that." She kept saying.

On prom night, Syaoran came to my door. My father went to open the door. I stood up in the living room nervously. He walked in and smiled at me.

"You look beautiful Sakura."

I smiled back "So do you. Handsome." Syaoran was wearing a classic black and white suit with a skinny tie. He held my hand and squeezed it as he stood next to me. I knew that moment that I was no longer in the friendzone. He played with my fingers while my father insisted we pose for the camera.

"Wait."

He said.

He took my arm and placed a floral bracelet around it.

My father told a few bad jokes and told us to remember to be responsible.

Outside was a limo. Syaoran helped me to get in. We went to Tomoyo's place first and all took pictures. It was all that I expected it to be. The prom itself was held in the school assembly hall. The theme was winter wonder land. Syaoran and I and spoke to each other and everyone at the table. While we danced, he pulled me in closer nad I rested my head on his shoulder. Suddenly, when the music stopped he took my hand. It was before the principle announced the prom king and prom queen.

"I wanna show you something." He whispered in my ear.

We left the prom and walked into the hallway. He took my hand and pulled it as he walked ahead of me. I was careful in my high heels. I could feel that he was nervous and suddenly I was too.

He opened the door to one of the classes and then released my hand.

"Do you remember this place?"

I folded my hands over my chest. I was feeling chilly. "It's a classroom…like all other classrooms."

He beamed audibly.

The room was dark with the yellow moon as the only source of light.

"This is where we had that one detention together. It was the first day we spoke to each other."

He moved to the front desk "I was sitting right here. I had been waiting for you."

"Waiting for me?"

"Yeah. Mr. Young had publicly given you detention and I knew that I was in detention already."

I smiled as the memory filled my mind.

"You were interesting. And I could tell you were smart and pretty. You kept trying not to smile. I figured that it was because of your braces."

I sat on the desk where I was that day. Syaoran moved closer to me.

"I knew you were special from the moment I heard you speak. I just didn't realise how much you meant to me. I have always loved you. I just didn't know in what way."

He reached his hand out and stroked my cheek with the tips of his fingers

"It took me so long and I'm sorry Sakura. I should have told you I love you a long time ago." He pressed his lips against mine before I could speak.

"I love you in the sense that I want to kiss you. I want to hold your hand and spend every day with you." He spoke into my lips. "I know I am immature, but you make me want to be better."

He kissed me again and I kissed back.

Then I broke it off.

"I love you too."

He laughed "Thank goodness. Because I would have really felt stupid after kissing you."

We kissed each other. He kissed me by the lockers. He kissed me with my back against the door. He kissed my neck and held me close. His had always met mine and sometimes he would hold me too close. We never returned to prom. We went up to the mountain trail and lay on the grass. Syaoran gave me his jacket to wear. We kissed and spoke all night about all the moments we wanted to confess our feeling to each other but could not. The things other people told us.

"I hated it that Eriol liked you." He said. "I know I was acting cool about it but I was happy you did not like him. It would have broken me if you went for him."

"It's always been you." I looked up at the stars, secretly wishing we would be together forever "So what is going to happen next?"

He leaned into me and kissed my forehead. "You aren't going to college this year while you try to publish your first manga…I've decided not to too. Let's take a gap year together. Travel to Europe."

I nodded "I like the sound of that."

….


	4. Chapter 4

The one I love

Chapter 4

The girl I used to know

I buried my head in Syaoran's chest and took in his musky sent as he stroked the small of my back lightly. He was looking at the television and appeared to be engorged in what was happening. I felt nervous. We were so close to each other. I was lying on top of him and he had his legs stretched out.

I sighed to get his attention. He coaxed his head to look down on me. "Are you okay?"

"Yea." I said casually.

"Is this sitting position making your imaginations run wild." he teased me.

"No.." I said looking away and withdrawing myself. My hair was disheveled and my eyes were still sore from all the crying that morning.

He kissed my forehead. "It was a tough morning for you." he said in a caring tone.

"Yes. I just can't believe all these publishers hated my work. You like it right."

He nodded "Yeah, though it was brilliant." he said. "I've read it so many times."

I didn't want to say anything. I did not want to remember my breakdown. 5 rejection letters from 5 manga publishing companies in Japan. I had been so confident in my work but it seemed they said my ideas had already been done and my art was too unconventional. I went straight to Syaoran for comfort and for the most part of the day I forgot about situation.

Syaoran got up and stretched out his long arms. His light blue jeans just hang over his bum. He wore a white t-shirt and looked somewhat messy. He reminded me of James Dean. I blushed as I watched him move. Everything he did now made me want to loose my virginity to him. I had made him wait for two months and he had been patient, but I was loosing my own patience.

From the day we started dating it has been difficult to not what to kiss him or hug him. I fixed my hair quickly and tied it into a messy ponytail.

"Do you want anything from downstairs? Ice cream? Oreos."

I nodded like a small child. He bent over to kiss me and then he said "Ill be right back."

He had been alone at the mansion for 2 months. Both of his parents were living separately in their overseas homes. They wanted to sell the mansion but Syaoran protested because he did not want to move out. He loved his family home and he was not ready to let go. I still had a curfew for some reason. My father did not want me sleeping over at Syaorans place. He used to love Syaoran so much more before he became my boyfriend. Now he just glared at him and asked him questions about his life ambitions.

As I sat there I decided today was the day. I was going to make love to Syaoran and become a woman. I was confused. I did not know if I should take my top off or talk dirty when he walks in. I heard him coming up the stairs and quickly took off my top and loosened my hair.

He walked in and his jaw dropped.

"Kura, do you know you are only wearing a bra." he said.

I tried to smile seductively "I know."

He nodded "Its nice. Your breasts look nice."

"Nice enough to eat?"

Syaoran cackled and broke into laughter "Did something happen while I was gone."

I was blushing.

He put the ice-cream and Oreos on the table and walked up to sit next to me. "Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining." He moved in and kissed my neck "You are very sexy."

He kissed me on the lips impatiently.

"Are you ready? Is today the day?" he asked me in between kisses.

"Yea. Im your sex kitten." I muttered.

He stopped kissing me and laughed "Sex kitten?"

I blushed even more playfully hitting his shoulder "Here I am trying to be sexy and you think its funny."

He grabbed my waist and pulled me sit on top of him.

"Don't talk so much. You don't need to dirty talk, I'm already turned on."

I looked into his eyes "I love you."

"I love you too."

We kissed with more vigor and passion. I helped him take off his shirt. He reached out his hand to squeeze my breast. I could not help but moan. He tried to take off my bra now. However, he was having trouble finding the clasp.

"Give me a moment." he said.

The bra ruined the moment of passion. Not even I could take it off. We laughed at the situation for a moment and as he was ready to go downstairs to get a pair of scissors, the door rang.

I followed Syaoran quickly putting my top back on. There was a policeman at the door. He said the other house had been robbed and he wanted to know if everything was alright. He started telling the story of how it happened and went on and on after that. He advised us to be careful and keep the doors shut.

After he left, Syaoran pushed me up against the wall and kissed my lips.

"Where were we."

I moaned audibly "My bra."

"Just take off your pants." he said. "I really want you right now."

I swallowed hard. This was really happening. Syaoran was unbuttoning my shorts. He was so filled with lust it both scared me and wanted him even more. He carried me over to the living room couch. And stood by my feet ready to remove my pants.

"We can't" I said in panic.

Syaoran sighed.

"Why not...am I being too fast."

I sat up "Yes. And I don't have contraceptives."

He nodded "Yea, neither do I. I didn't think you would be ready this soon."

"We can do it tomorrow." I moved in to sit closer to him.

He ran his fingers through his hair "Don't worry about it. Whenever you are ready."

"Maybe we can light up some candles. Soft music."

He smiled and kissed me on the lips "What ever you want."

"And you have to be gentle with me." I said.

"That was me being gentle a few moments ago."

Syaoran dropped me off after that. My father was sitting by the veranda waiting for me...at least that was what I assumed.

"Its 10 o'clocK Sakura."

I pretended to not be aware "Oh my, I lost track of time."

"I was worried." He said to me standing up.

"I was only at Syaoran place watching movies." I said in a clear calm voice.

He looked at me speechless. I could see sadness in his eyes. My brother Touya moved out 5 years ago to live in Tokyo and I imagined he was worried he loosing me. I quickly hugged him and kissed him on the cheek "I love you Dad."

...

"You're bad." Tomoyo said to me when I met her over lunch.

"I freaked out. I could feel his thingy-ma-bob on my stomach." I said to her "It just made the moment feel real and that scared me."

Tomoyo took a sip of her milkshake. She shook her head "By thingy-ma-bob, you mean..."

"Yes." I said quickly not wanting her to say the word for male privates.

"Ya just gotta get the first time out of the way. You also need to make sure you are being safe."

I nodded "Yes...yes."

"Are you on the pill?"

I raised my shoulders "You mean birth control?"

"Yes."

I blushed "no."

"You need to get on those like yesterday. Men, they make some funny requests in the heat of the moment and next thing, bang, you are the one carrying a baby for nine months and they are like "how could this happen.""

I looked at Tomoyo surprised.

She laughed "It happened to a friend of mine."

...

In the evening I was at Syaoran's place again. This time we were sitting at the table having Chinese food. He acted normal about everything. He was telling me about his upbringing in China when I interrupted him.

"Lets go make love?"

He smiled "Are you sure?" he asked me.

"Yea. We are going to Europe in a few months. We will be living together and sleeping together. We should just do it now."

I stood up and grabbed his hand. "I have contraceptive."

We went upstairs to his bedroom. He lit a few candles. I took off my clothes all the way to my bra and panties. He got on the bed and we started kissing.

...

"How was that?" Syaoran asked me immediately. I was embarrassed. I messed up the sheets and I had a look of discomfort the whole time that made Syaoran uncomfortable.

"Did it hurt that bad."

"Yea."

He sighed "It will get better you know. We just have to keep doing it."

I nodded "Yea."

"You are making me nervous with your responses. I hope I didnt scare you off sex. You are so innocent I feel so horrible for what just happened here."

I shook my head covering my breasts with the sheet "No...you were lovely and Im tired of always being seen as innocent." I cleared my throat looking up at the ceiling "We will do it again tomorrow."

And we did. We were at it everyday it almost became the only thing we did. Syaoran was passionate and wanted us to try every position on every surface. I started coming home later and later and eventually I was sleeping there up to four times a week. We could not get enough of each other and sometimes I felt like we were out of control. We were lazy with no thoughts about the future. Nonetheless I was having fun. We would have guests over and hang by the pool.

Soon enough I was drinking socially and waking up 12am with a hang over. In the middle of the year we went to Europe. I had been saving up all year since we had decided to do that. We planned on applying for jobs and universities for the following term.

Though my father did not know every thing about the life I was living , he hated what he knew about it. He felt like I was abandoning my values for youth and worldly things. After the we both planned on getting serious about our lives. We did not want to but we were aware that we were getting carried away with doing nothing except being with each other. We were had faith in our emotions more than anything. I felt as though Syaoran had transformed me, I was not sure if it was into who I truly was or if this person was someone I was not. I was certain I was happy and that I loved the fact that I was not living to societies expectations.

We traveled to Paris and took a train through Spain, Germany and Italy. We spent our nights in backpackers dorms, hotels, camp sites and sleeping on the train. I had not even been on a plane before this. Syaoran need for adventure was refreshing and made me want to live outside what I knew. Being his girlfriend was different to being his friend.

The days after the trip I started to feel unwell. I found myself sleeping more and feeling nauseated. I ignored it for a month. One morning I woke up and had to run to the bathroom to vomit.

"You are acting hungover and we weren't even drinking last night." Syaoran teased me.

"Syaoran..." I said his name in a low voice.

"What if I'm pregnant?"

Syaoran laughed nervously "You aren't pregnant. We are always safe." He walked past me to brush his teeth. I could tell he did not want to chat about this any further.

"I haven't been feeling myself." I wanted to cry. I was afraid because at that moment, I was certain in my heart that I was pregnant. "Remember that day when in Spain when I skipped the pill because our baggage got lost and my pills were in my bag. We made love that night."

Syaoran kept brushing his teeth. The moment he finished he walked up to me. I was sitting on the toilet seat. He looked me in the eyes. "Don't start crying and stressing just yet."

"I'm scared." I bit my lower lip really hard.

"We will go to pharmacy and get a home pregnancy test. You do know that sometimes when you think about something too much, you start to believe it and your body starts to show symptoms."

I tried to smile.

Syaoran went out to get the test and I stayed in his bedroom crying on the pillow. I felt like my life was over. Pregnant at 19. What will my father say? What will my brother and friends think.

When Syaoran returned, I tried to hold myself together.

"The odds are low." Syaoran pointed out as i went into the bathroom. When I returned, we sat on the couch and put to pregnancy tests on the table.

Tears filled my eyes and Syaoran held my hand.

We both leaned to properly read them carefully.

"I'm pregnant." I muttered. Syaorans' face as serious and he was quiet.

I started to cry. Syaoran hugged me and crying into his chest. He grabbed my shoulders to sit me up and force me to look at him.

"This not necessarily a bad thing. Sure we are not prepared. But we are not the first couple to not purposely make a baby. You are going to be a wonderful mother and I'll be there with you every step along the way. I love you Sakura. Ill love Ill baby too."

His words were not comforting. I did not go to my fathers house. I did not want to. I felt ashamed and I was uncertain about what I was going to do. Syaoran ran out of things to say. He just lay next to me and held me. The idea of being a mother was absurd and scary to me. There was so much I wanted to do.

"My life is over as we speak." I muttered.

He rested his chin on the river of my neck "Don't say that. The way I see it, this was bound to happen. It just happened earlier than expected. Ill talk to your father. We can be a family. You can work on your next manga. I have not seen you draw in ages and Ill ask my father to give me a job. I promise. It will be fine"


	5. Chapter 5

The one I love

Chapter 5

Knocked up

"This is stupid" I sighed looking in the mirror. They are not going to go above my thighs. I said stepping out of my skinny jeans while Syaoran tried to compile ideas on how I can feet into them.

"I do have a pair of track suit pants..."

"Nooo" I covered my eyes "I don't wanna go shopping."

I looked down at my tummy. Closed my eyes again...opened them. "Still pregnant."

Syaoran sat on the bed "It's been four months. You need to tell your father. He thinks you are working in Tokyo..."

"I just want to tell him when I'm ready." I played with the tips of my hair.

Syaoran shook his head "Hiding this from your father is the most stupid idea you ever had. I'm tired of hiding at the mall when I think I see him."

I thought for a moment "Maybe you can start wearing a wig? Or learn how to lie better."

"I think we should have a nice dinner here. Show him that we have a good thing going. We can invite your brother...then we just let it out."

I sat next to him on the bed "So we have to. Can't Ill just have our little boy and then surprise him."

Syaoran laughed "You think its a boy?"

I smiled "Yeah." I took a deep breath as though exhausted "I keep craving peanuts. That's a sure indicator."

Syaoran put an arm around me and rested his head on my shoulder. "It's definitely a girl"

I smiled. I was getting excited about Syaoran and I having a family. It was not on the agenda and it scared me some weeks but I was coming around to it."Okay. We will have the dinner. I can do this." I said confident.

"Yeah...I'll speak for you."

I nodded "And if everything goes right you will only sustain minor injuries."

Late that morning I called my father. He was surprised to hear from me. I told him about the dinner. I felt like a coward and Syaoran had seen I was terrified. Sure, my father was strict, but he was reasonable.

"Called him?" Syaoran asked looking over his shoulder as he made coffee.

"Yea. This is harder that confessing my feeling to you."

"Which you technically didn't"

...

That evening I wore a white dress that barely hid my growing bump. I tried to envision how things would go. I'd open the door, spread my hands out and yell "surprise Daddy, you're going to be grandpa." Then I thought of the look on his face when he says he is disappointed in me. I sighed.

We had spent the whole afternoon making the place look perfect. I got some flowers and a new table cloth. Syaoran was going to make main course and I was on dessert duty. I decided to make Dad's favorite apple pie. When I said this, Syaoran just laughed.

Syaorans parents had been alright with the fact that I was pregnant. His mother was surprised but supportive. His father on the other hand didn't really seem to care. He took it like ordinary news. He was convinced Syaoran was "bad" anyway and it was bound to happen eventually. His reaction hurt Syaoran and it made me fear telling my father even more. On the plus side, Syaoran's father let us stay in the house. It was indefinitely but it definitely made life easier. Syaoran was also working at one of the Li. Corp Branches as an intern. I also wanted to do something, I applied for a few jobs outside my neighborhood and was awaiting feedback.

The door bell rang. My heart beat so fast I thought I would explode.

"Honey, should I get that?" Syaoran asked.

"Its fine. I will." I said nervously.

I took a deep breath and opened the door. There he stood. His hair neatly combed, lens of his glasses were as clean as ever. He smiled at me and I hugged him without leaning in too much. My eyes were flooding with tears. I was not sure if it was the hormones but I realized him how much I love him and missed him. I felt like a bad daughter who has left him all by himself. I never should have.

He looked around. I was surprised that he did not notice I gained weight till he said.

"You look difference."

"I do." I replied.

He "Wow. No wonder you never come home." He looked around impressed at every single thing.

Syaoran walked into the foyer and reached his hand out to shake my fathers hand.

"Mr. Kinomoto."

"Syoaran." My father said half-heatedly.

I wrapped a hand around my fathers and walked him to the dinning room "We made dinner. Apple pie."

He smiled "My favorite. How was it like working in Tokyo. You hardly said anything."

"I'll explain everything just now."

My father sat on the table across me.

I took a deep breath and Syaoran sat on the chair next to me.

"Dad...Syaoran and I...we...we are going to." I looked at Syaoran and he nodded his head to give me the go ahead. "A baby. We are having a baby."

He was quiet with a serious face.

Syaoran and I were stuck in smiles.

He then shook his head.

He smiled even harder thinking it was a sign. That was about to say something. Instead He sighed. It was as if he was trying to digest the news.

"So...how many months?"

I bit my lower lip "four months..." I bit my lower lip now terrified.

"Are two going to get married."

Syaoran looked at me, we had not discuss this. Then he said "Yes...eventually? After the baby is born."

My father took off his glasses.

Syaoran added "We can live here. There is a nursery school nearby. Sakura will go to college when the baby is born."

He nodded "So, you two feel like you have it all figured out. You've been playing house and now you think you are grown-ups."

"No..." I interjected even though father was right. "I know they will be challenges. And besides, we are not the first couple to have a kid early. Touya was born before you and mom got married, remember."

"Yes. I remember. The first few years were the toughest in my life. Your mother and I...we didn't know what we were doing. Its every parents goal to not see their children live a difficult life. You want them to live it better and do better."

I was quiet.

"A Baby is not a bad thing, I just didn't expect this from you."

Tears filled my eyes. "Im sorry I disappointed you."

He stood up "You didn't disappoint me. You broke my heart. You don't visit anymore and I'm guessing you have told me so many lies."

Syaoran stood up "Sir, just stay for dinner. We Want you to be a part of it."

He nodded "Ill stay." and sat down.

"It's my fault. I should have taken care of Sakura better. I love your daughter. Ill take care of her."

My father did not seemed convinced. He gave Syaoran a disapproving eye.

There was silence for about five minutes. I was tempted to take out my cellphone to distract me. I was upset and just wanted him to say something.

Syaoran excused himself from the table claiming he was going to the bathroom but I knew he just wanted to give us space.

"What is your brother going to say?"

I raised my shoulders.

"I knew the moment when you started practically living here that it was not a good idea. I think I saw this coming. I just didn't know how to be a parent. You are not a child, I know. But at the same time, I could have protected you. I don't know what you have been up to in past three months."

"I'm sorry." I cried. "I know...I haven't been able to sleep thinking about you."

He was quiet.

"I love him Dad. So much and with everything within me." I confessed.

"What are you going to do about your career. We agreed you would take a gap year and try to break through the manga seen and then if that didn't work out you were going to study law. Remember that."

"Yes."

"Its all his fault. I hate the day you meet Syaoran. You were so...so much better than this."

Those words pierced my heart like daggers. Syaoran reappeared in the room. He walked over to hug me and said to my father "We are going to be a family and its up to you if you want to be part of it."

I wept in Syaorans chest.

My father sighed "I just need to take it all in." He said calmly.

"I'm sorry about dinner, but I have to go."

He left the livingroom and walked out through the front door. When he Was gone, Syaoran held me close.

"Don't worry about him."

I said nothing. I was silent for the entire evening while Syaoran tried to talk to me. Eventually he gave in and by the time we entered the covers of our bed, we were not talking to each other.

We were both awake for an hour before Syaoran said "What do you want me to do. I've done everything to instill positive thinking but I'm at a lost for words. And it does not make sense that you are suddenly angry at me. I've been a great boyfriend. And you know what, Im happy you are pregnant. Very happy. It means there were always be something connecting us."

I blinked away the tears in my eyes then muttered "You are naive."

"Naive?" He raised his voice. "Just because I believe everything is going to be okay."

"Yes!" I yelled. "Its not going to be okay."

He turned on the lamp light. "Well, not if you keep thinking that way."

"A baby is a huge responsibility and I just let my father down."

He clenched his teeth "My parents are not exactly happy with the situation but I'm dealing with it. I don't care what anyone thinks. I don't care about the rumor mill but clearly, you do."

Tears fell out from my eyes.

"We are supposed to be happy, and we were doing fine up until tonight."

"You don't understand."

I managed to catch my breath.

"Make me understand."

I raised my shoulders "My mother died when I was young. My brother and I was all he had. Touya left for Tokyo so I was all he had left. He lost everything."

Syaoran nodded listening carefully.

"I feel like shit because I abandoned him."

Syaoran was quiet.

"And I know that Im taking it out on you. Could be the hormones."

"Yeah." He said in a hoarse tone.

"I think I should move back home."

Syaoran sighed "Why?"

"I have to be with my Dad?"

He was upset "What about me. Do you expect me to come visit you every other day."

"Yes. For at least 2 months and we will see from there."

He shook his head "You are being unreasonable.

"Please just understand."

He lay back and said calmly "Kids grow up and leave their parents homes. Its the cycle of life."

I lay closer to him "Just let me do this for him and come over everyday. He will come around to us. I just need to spend time with him. I am happy we are having a baby. I can't wait to meet him. Don't think I'm not."

"Okay." He said and kissed my lips then turned off the lamp light.

Neither of us slept that night. There was still tension in the morning as I packed my suitcase. Syaoran hardly said anything except that he would drive me home. I kept myself together when he said goodbye and he would come see me again. He kissed me passionately then drove off. I

I took the first step and looked up at my childhood home.

The living situation did not stay that way for a long time. A month after I moved in, Syaoran's father told him that the company had been in loss that year and that he would have to find somewhere to stay with him own money. Syaoran thought about going to stay at his cousins house but I convinced him to move into my family home. It felt like the worst of times back then...but in retrospect, everything worked out. We had to sleep in seperate rooms for the entire duration of my pregnancy and even after Ryuihi was born we decided to work hard and get our own place. Some how we survived..


	6. Chapter 6

The One I love

Chapter 6

Happy Days

I will never forget Ryuichi's 3rd Birthday. It is one of my favorite memories. The sun was moderately bright outside. The house was tidy and there was a feel of excitement in the air because we had a place to call our own. It was not like our second apartment which was in a noisy neighborhood and no matter how hard I tried by putting flowers and picture frames where they looked best, it could never feel like home. I loved everything about our house. The garden outside where Ryuchi could play. The kitchen had wooden floors and white cupboards. It was nothing intimidating, it just felt like a home.

Syaoran hugged me from behind as I made the finishing touches to our little boys chocolate birthday cake. He kissed me and held me closer to him by pulling my hips into him in a seductive manner.

"What do you think?" I asked like I was not completely turned on by his actions.

"Lovely." He said. "It looks professional."

I smiled "Okay, lets not get carried away. It looks okay. I always thought about being a mom who bakes all her kids birthday cakes with love as a secret ingredient."

"Now you are. Living your dreams." he released me 'Why don't you get ready and Ill take care of everything. The guests will be here soon."

I looked down and realised that I was still wearing my Pajamas. On it were chocolate stains, and Ryuchi's finger prints from playing with mud in the garden that morning. As soon as I turned around I found the the other joy of my life standing confused. Awoken from his nap. I carried him. Hugged him and kissed him.

"It's your Birthday Baby!"

"Birthday." My little one chuckled. He was still learning to speak. I placed him in Syaorans arms. It was as though he read my mind that I was going to do that. I picked out a navy blue dress and pumps for the event. I fixed my auburn hair which had faces some abuse recently with Ryu's new craze of pulling peoples hair.

As soon as I was done, I rushed downstairs to find that my Tomoyo and Eriol there.

Tomoyo was playing with Ryu while Eriol and Syaoran chatted. They always made us seem old. Their loved always seemed like it was newer than ours and they had the world at their finger tips. The fact that we had a child, made me feel like we stopped being the same age.

Tomoyo rubbed her nose playfully against Ryu and said "You're mom is here."

I smiled.

Tomoyo looked up at me "He looks just like Syaoran..he has your eyes though."

"I think he looks like Sakura." Syaoran interjected.

"Everyone knows first borns always look like their Dads." Tomoyo spoke as though it was a matter of fact.

"Where do you get these facts from."

I could only stand there and smile. Tomoyo stood up and placed Ryu in Eriols care.

"Wait..." Eriol said looking uncomfortable.

Tomoyo smiled "It will give you practice." She winked "I want Sakura to show me around."

I walked past Syaoran for a moment. He gently grabbed my had and played with it. "Is your father coming."

"Yeah. He would not miss this for the world."

After that, Tomoyo and I left the room as I showed her around. I took her into the third room which I had turned into an art studio.

"I'm glad you are creating a new manga." She said.

I blushed "Hopefully this one is a success."

Tomoyo closed the door. "You look so nice. Eriol and I are planning on moving together."

"That's great."

Tomoyo smirked "Its what big girls do. Its weird. I'm happy you rejected him."

I laughed halfheartedly. I had long forgotten about Eriol advances on me. He and Tomoyo became good friends. They visited us whenever they were in town and attended everything we invited them to.

"So..." Tomoyo said "The elephant in the room. When are you too going to get married?"

"We haven't decided."

"You have been engaged for 3 years now."

"I know" I nodded. Perhaps I had become too comfortable with just living together. I looked at my engagement ring for a moment. My father was definitely not happy we had waited so long. It was not that either of us didn't want to get married. We were in many capacities. It just wasn't written down on paper. Syaoran proposed to me when Ryu was five months old but we could not get married because we were still saving up for our own place. We were still staying with my father. Syaoran had a huge fall out with his father after finding out his father spent his entire trust. Most of it went to gambling and to feed his mid-life crisis. Above everything, Syaoran was studying in University after getting a scholarship and Ryu had been a handful. Every year the day day of the wedding had been moved at least 5 times.

"You do want to get married." Tomoyo asked. She was concerned that Syaoran was dodging making a commitment but I knew him better than that.

I raised my shoulders "I don't know. It will happen when it happens."

Tomoyo hugged me "Make me your maid of honor."

"Consider it handled."

Suddenly the door opened and it was Syaoran with Ryu "So your Dad is here."

"I'll be there." I said happily.

Dad visited every week. He was found of Syaoran now and absolutely adored Ryu. Ryu restored something within my father and he became a loving grandfather. With him was Touya who had now moved back home.

The party was in motion with more people showing up. Syaoran sisters were there and some old high school friends and new friends we had made. A few of the friends we knew who had kids brought them.

As everyone chatted, I could not escape Syaoran's gaze. I could feel his eyes on me. He would smile. Whenever it felt like we were alone, he would squeeze my bum or say something funny.

He eventually whispered in my ears saying there is a leak in the bathroom and he thinks I should check it out as soon as possible. I went into the bathroom actually believing him. He quickly locked the door and his hands were all over me.

"You are so frisky today." I moaned as he kissed my neck.

"More than usual?" he asked gently biting on my earlobe.

I laughed. "I want us to make love now."

His words grabbed my heart and shook it. I was filled with lust but embarrassed the guests might hear us. I was vocal when we made love and he knew that."Have you been drinking?"

He stopped kissing me and looked at me "No. Come on."

He kissed my mouth and I kissed back passionately. He squeezed by breasts erotically before taking be against the door. I tried to muffle the sounds I wanted to make. I wanted to moan and gasp. I clenched my teeth and gripped unto his shoulders tightly. The door was making a noise but Syaoran did not stop.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door "Anyone in there?" It was Syaoran mother.

He just stayed still and tried not to laugh. "Should I say something?" I asked Syaoran.

"No. Are you crazy. It's my mom."

He stood still until we thought she was gone. As we fixed up our clothes and hair Syaoran said to me.

"Remember when we lived with your father and only made love when he was not at home or after he slept...and he usually slept after midnight."

I smiled remembering "That was tough."

"Lets get married today." He said suddenly.

I laughed "Today?"

He zipped up his pants "I'm serious Kura."

I gave him an eye "Did Tomoyo say something to you?"

He raised an eyebrow "Tomoyo? What does Tomoyo have to do with this."

"Nevermind." I said looking in the mirror.

"Think about it..our family is here. Our neighbor is an ordained minister. Its like it was meant to be."

I smiled picturing the idea.

Syaoran hugged me "I want you to be my wife and I can't wait much longer. Its become a matter of urgency."

"You're father is not here."

Syaoran shrugged "Good. I wouldn't have invited him anyway." he took a deep breath. "I have been thinking about this you know."

"Okay." I said quickly "Lets get married."

He hugged me and picked me up from the floor.

I was the first to leave the bathroom and Syaoran followed five minutes late. I decided Ryu should blow the candles off his birthday cake before we announce our intentions to anyone.

While I placed the candles on the cake, feeling giddy and blushing. Syaoran mother came up to me "They are people in your bathroom. I don't want to say what they are doing but you should tell them to stop."

I smiled nervously "Will do."

"So when are you too getting married." She said nicely while sipping on a glass of wine. She was always a lady with everything she did. She held an elegance. Wore diamond earrings and she also maintained a distinctive composure that gained her respect.

"Im not sure when we are getting married. Could be any day." I said.

"I hope it happens soon." She said. I looked at her and smiled.

She touched my chin and said "You are lovely."

"Um thanks."

She took the matches from my hands "Let me do that."

I moved aside.

"Syaoran has been through alot...the both of you have. He choose such a beautiful girl with a loving heart. When I see you I see two strong people. Of course it took me awhile to warm up to the idea of him being a father so young but it was for the best. Forced him to grow up and we have new members to our family."

I felt tears in my eyes. I hugged her and Yelan seemed taken aback.

We took the cake to the livingroom. Syaoran was carrying Ryu who had just recently stopped crying. It was past his bedtime now. Everyone in the room sang him happy birthday while Syaoran and I kissed his cheeks.

Where one would usually blow out the candles, Ryu sneezed.

Everyone laughed but I had a moment where I was worried he might be catching something. On the other hand Syaoran yelled.

"That's my boy! A pure rebel like your Dad."

I laughed "You haven't been a rebel in years."

Syaoran leaned in to me "Should I make the announcement?"

"Yes." I said after taking a nervous deep breath and settling the cake on the table. No one was going to eat that.

"Can I have your attention" Syaoran said. I kept my eyes fixed on him. Feeling like a school girl with a crush again. This man would soon be my husband.

"Sakura and I are getting married today."

Everyone broke into whispers and congratulations. Tomoyo was the first to hug me. The other guests stayed put while Tomoyo helped me set up the garden. Syaoran and a few of the guys brought chairs to garden and we light up the Christmas lights. There were fire flies everywhere that made the day feel more magical. After an hour and a half of setting up. We got ready.

Syaoran's mother and Tomoyo's mom helped me prepare. Syaorans mother borrowed me her diamond earring and Tomoyo picked out the appropriate white dress from my closet. She quickly made a veil from the lace curtains and fixed it up in such a way you could not tell it was a curtain.

The guests were now in the garden as I waited nervously at the bedroom door. My father came up to me "You look beautiful." He said kissing my cheek. I wanted to cry. I had to hold myself together. He led me downstairs and walked me to the garden. I walked in the down the aisle we created that was filled with roses petals.

I could see Syaoran standing with the minister. He looked handsome in the same suite he wore at prom. I smiled to myself remembering the first time he wore it. It was the day we professed our love to each other. When I was next to him, my father let me go.

I did not hear a word the minister said. I was looking into Syaorans eyes and he into mine. Tomoyo was on the opposite side holding a sleeping Ryu in her arms.

"Do you?" The minister asked.

I shook my head "Um yes. I do."

After we both affirmed everything, it was time to say our vows. Syaoran started.

"Sakura, I don't even know where to begin. The best thing that has ever happened to me was meeting you. I feel in love you with you from the moment I heard you speak and I have loved you everyday since then. You have showed me how to be humble, kind, loving and a better man. I don't know who I would be if it was not for you but there mere thought of it scares the shit...I mean the living life out of me. You are my everything."

Tears of happiness filled my eyes "You are my happy ending Syaoran Li. You have brought so much joy in my life. I look forward to sharing the rest of my life with you. You give me hope. You are my joy. You're love amazes me. Despite my errors you never stop loving me. You keep me up when I'm done. I love you"

"You may now kiss the bride."

We kissed like it was the first time. I didn't want to stop and I forgot in that moment that we were surrounded by other. The moment we stopped, everyone cheered us on. I took Ryu from Tomoyos arms. He was awoken by the noise from the crowd but he did not cry.

I danced with Syaoran in the living room. I pressed my lips on his neck. Loving his scent. Loving him. Feeling vulnerable. Feeling loved.


	7. Chapter 7

The one I love

Chapter 7

The fallout

I had been up all night wondering where he was. The tension was killing me and I walked around aimlessly. I went into Ryu's room and watched him sleeping. I gently stroked his auburn hair before roaming to the kitchen for a snack. I always had trouble sleeping when Syaoran was not home. Tonight was worse than any wait. I almost wanted to cry.

I went into our bedroom. The bed was still made, I could not even find the strength to get it without him. It felt like I would be violating some code.

Finally, before I could breakdown completely. I heard the front door click open. I had been waiting for it. I didn't know if I should be happy or angry. I hated myself for being less independent.; for always wanting to know where he was.

I decided to jump quickly to bed and pretend I was reading a book.

He walked in and I looked up.

"You are late."

He smiled "A wizard is never let nor early, he arrives precisely when he need to."

I rolled my eyes. Closed the book I was pretending to read and lay my head on the pillow.

"Were you waiting for me?" He asked.

I kept my eyes fixed on him. He was trying to undress.

"Yes. I was waiting." I confessed without showing what agony the wait was.

As he stumbled to unbutton his shirt, I knew he was drunk. I felt a ball of anger growing in the pit of my stomach.

"You were out drinking?" I asked in a controlled tone.

"The boss asked me after work." he said casually "I couldn't refuse."

"Ryu missed you." I said trying to inflict guilt on him.

"Ill go check up on him in the morning. Im drunk. In case you didn't notice."

I breathed heavily. I wanted to tell him but this was not the time. "I noticed alright." I said.

"Wow wow wow Babe.I sense some hostility up in here."

"Its 1 am, your phone has been off all day. You could not bother to tell me you wont be home for dinner or you were out with your boss getting drunk."

His eyes moved to the wooden floor. He looked serious for a moment. To much of my dismay, he looked at me and said "I don't want to fight tonight."

I sat up holding back tears "I don't want to fight either but an apology would be nice."

He turned off the lights and went to his side of the bed.

"My phone died. I'm probably going to get a promotion now. Im sorry for not informing you but in due time you will understand this meeting is important for our family. We can be as rich as my father was by the time we are in our thirties."

"I don't care about being rich." I muttered "I like our home life."

He sighed "That's because you did not grow up like I did." He sat up "I want Ryu to travel the world and get the best of everything. I want you to not have to stress about fuel or the mortgage." He said.

I was quiet.

"It won't happen again." He said in a softer tone. "Ill be sure to tell you."

I kept quiet.

"I know I'm drunk but you can at least pardon me for that. When the boss invites you for drinks, you go for drinks."

I closed my eyes.

"Ah. The silent treatment." He lay back. "Thats okay Kura."

I cried silently that night. I did not sleep and from his movements, I could tell he was awake too.

In the morning as I got out of bed I heard him mumble "Im so sorry. I was an asshole last night."

I was still, trying to not look at him. He moved next to me and kissed my my back "You were right. I know. At the time I was so excited that the boss wanted to have a drink with me I got carried away."

I was silent.

He wrapped his hands around my waist and rested his cheek on my back.

"Say something."

I thought for a moment "I was waiting for you." I said.

He released me then moved next to me. We looked into each others eyes and smiled.

"You must have missed me so much." He had this boyish grin on his face. His hair was disheveled. He hardly looked 27. Ryu resembled him in many ways despite the fact that he had my emerald eyes and my auburn hair. He had his fathers demeanor.

"Don't flatter yourself." I teased him.

He kissed be quickly.

"I think Ryu is awake." He said stretching out his arms. He was wearing his dark blue boxers and a white cotton vest.

I got up and walked behind him wearing an over sized t-shirt. We both caught Ryu playing video games. He did not even notice us.

"Ryu. What did I say about video games."

He shrugged without looking up "You said I can only play them on weekends."

Syaoran settled next to him."Can you make an exception mom?" Syaoran grinned at me.

Then Ryu gave me puppy dog eyes.

"This is the last time." I said walking to the kitchen defeated.

Syaoran started to play the video game with Ryu. The were laughing and shouting at the T.v together. I would raise my head up and smile. And then I remembered. How could I even forget?

I brought them a plate of bacon, eggs and toast and placed them on the coffee table. They stopped playing and eagerly ate.

"You're the best mom." Ryu said eating the bacon.

"Syaoran. I need to talk to you." I said holding his hand.

"Like, really need to talk." I could feel myself blushing and my heart beating. Syaoran stood up "Sure." He seemed nervous.

We ambled to the kitchen.

"Hey, I wanna know whats going on." Ryu said as we were walking away.

"It's grown up talk. You can listen when you are 18." Syaoran told him.

Ryu sighed then got back to the game.

I leaned against the counter feeling anxious.

"Well, what is it?" he said looking at me seriously.

"Okay. My manga is getting published next month, XY." I said happily.

Syaoran hugged me so tightly elated "Are you serious!"

I smiled "and it only took 10 years later and 2 kids."

"2 kids."

I nodded "Yes. That the other news."

He hugged me again even tighter with tears almost in his eyes. "Sakura, that amazing. We are having another child."

Ryu walked into the kitchen, drawn to the commotion.

"Whats going on?" he asked.

"Come here." I said to him calling him to join the hug.

Syaoran carried him off the floor. He was not as light as he used to be. We both hugged him.

"Whats going on?" He asked laughing at us.

We spent the entire day as a family. We took Ryu out to skateboard in the park while we sat at a nearby bench.

"We are going to need a bigger house." Syaoran said.

I nodded. "Do think it will be another boy."

"It does not matter really but I think its a girl."

I kissed his mouth "I think its a girl too."

We kissed some more when Ryu approached us with his skateboard "Can you not kiss here. You're embarrassing me." Ryu said before skating away to join his friends.

Syaoran and I shook our heads "What happened to our sweet little boy." I said.

"I can't believe he is complaining about us kissing. Kissing is how his creation started."

Things were good the first few days. Syaoran was home early, we went to the hospital for an appointment and talked about when we would tell everyone else. We felt more prepared than we did with Ryu.

A week later, he was late again. In fact, he only came home at 9:00 after I had cooked dinner and tucked Ryu in.

"Dad is hardly home anymore. I only see him in the morning." Ryu said. "Why is that?"

I looked at him from across my shoulder "He is busy working." I said simply "It's just temporally."

"Do you want me to read you a story."

He raised his shoulders "Ill read it myself."

My heart sank at the rejection.

"Are you sure? I know your Dad always read Harry Potter books to you and you liked that."

Ryu sighed "You can read Harry Potter to me tomorrow. I told my friend Jamie that you still read to me and he said Im a baby. Cause Im almost 8."

I kissed his forehead "Don't listen to him. Ill keep reading to you till you tell me you don't like it."

When Syaoran came in that night. He did the usual and snuck into bed. I could tell he was tired.

"Are you awake?" he asked.

"Yeah. I'm awake."

He exhaled noisly "I'm so tired Kura. You don't even know." He shifted closer to me and hugged me.

"Why is your boss overworking you?"

"Because he sees alot of potential in me. We can get the new house before the baby is born."

I turned around and we looked into each others eyes "I can never sleep until you are lying next to me." I said.

We kissed.

"We have not made love in 4 days. That's not normal for us." He said.

"You are the one who is always tired."

He slid his hands under the covers and squeezed my bare bum and I giggled like a school girl.

Within the next few months, Syaoran and I started arguing more. I got frustrated because I had to go promote my managa at conferences and tv interviews but could not find a sitter for Ryu. My father was teaching at the hospital and Tomoyo was always in her work shop where she did not want children touching her clothing designs. On most occasions Ryu accompanied me and we were a team. He would wait while I was interviewed, dress in cosplay at anime conventions and help me set up my stand. It felt like Syaoran was missing out on an important part of my life when we had been a team all along. To make matters worse, the more pregnant I became, the harder it was to keep traveling promoting the manga.

After 6 months I was able to rest...well, my publishers were demanding volume 5 of the manga.

I was in my art room that day when Syaoran came in early this time. I raised my eyes surprised "You are early."

"Yea." He said folding his arms over his chest.

I was not sure what to say. I had kept the hurt of him not being around bottled inside. I knew he was doing all of this for us but I wanted him to be with us more.

"How are you?" He asked me walking in. He knelt to the floor and without saying anything he kissed my tummy.

I looked at him surprised and he looked back at me.

There was an awkward tension. His actions could not translate as well as intended.

"You are gone all the time." I finally spoke.

"I'm sorry."

I looked at him seriously "And you are always sorry."

"What do you want me to do? Quit my job."

I swallowed hard "I want you to do whats best for this family. Whats the point of you making all that money when you are never with the family you are making it for."

He was quiet.

"When I was pregnant with Ryu we were a team. You saw me through everything."

"That is cause I was unemployed and living on my parents money."

I shook my head "Don't say that. I actually make more money than you do now."

"Are you implying that bothers me." He said looking surprised and furious.

"No. Im saying you don't have to work so hard. We have everything we need." I said. "I just want you by 5. I want us to have dinner together and watch late night tv together."

He nodded. "Ill take on another job."

"Can't you just ask them to let you leave early."

He raised his shoulders.

"I know I sound like a whinny house wife." I told him.

"I understand what you are saying. Ive missed you."

I nodded "Okay. Good." I thought we would fight but he understood me.

That evening when Syaoran offered to read Ryu a bedtime story, he refused as he wanted to read by himself. This shocked Syaoran. He came into bed worrying that he was a bad parent. "When did Ryu start reading books by himself" Syaoran asked. He was worried he had been a bad father. He felt guilty for everything to the point where he quit his job and tried to look for another job at a smaller firm.


	8. Chapter 8

The one I love

Chapter 7

It all started at the Ovations company event. It was the ordinary office party. Syaoran introduced me to his colleagues, we drunk punch and and ate snacks. He introduced me to one of his childhood friends, Meiling. Who apparently put out a good word and helped him get the job. She was tall and slender. Her pitch black straight hair made her golden cat like eyes stand out. She wore a dark red lipstick, mini skirt and 8 inch heels. I could tell they were definitely friends. They joked about the daily office events and she invited me to her yoga class...which I was not going to go to. She left Syaoran and I smiling and walking away while her hips swung from side to side.

"She's nice." I said dryly. Its not that I disliked her. I think I was jealous...or maybe just don't like people like her.

Syaoran laughed "She takes getting used to."

I felt small and insignificant. My title as the creator of a well known anime series felt like nothing next to the elite of the corporate world. I wore saddles and a dress. I felt almost embarrassed for the little effort I had made. I had a two year old at home, I told myself trying console my spirits.

As we drove back Syaoran's eyes would graze over me worried.

"What's wrong? You seem full in thought."

I raised my shoulders "Nothing really."

He raised his eyebrows like he normally would when he thought I was lying.

"I'm just thinking about the manga."

When we reached home, I sat on the toilet seat thinking about that woman. "Did Jennifer Anistone feel this way when Brad Pitt was shooting that move with Angelina Jolie?" I asked myself loudly. "look how things turned out for her." I sighed.

Syaoran walked into the bathroom.

I was still on the toilet seat even though I had already urinated.

"Hey." He said casually taking his clothes off and throwing them into the laundry basket.

"I think Im going to start taking classes at the gym."

He threw his socks in the basket "You don't need the gym." He said "You are beautiful."

I stood up and put on my underwear. "I just wanna be fit that's all. I mean I don't work out. Ever since Riley was born."

I washed my hands and turned around. Syaoran was naked. I looked at his private parts then at his face. He noticed this and smiled "Am I making you horny Baby?" He joked in an Austin Powers voice.

I smiled "Get into the shower. Take a quick bath and come into bed."

He moved closer to me "I've got a better idea. Take a shower with me."

I moved in and kissed him "I like the sound of that."

...

I sat on a yoga mat in the gym while Tomoyo talked. He had not done anything since we got there but talked to each other.

"I am off men forever." She complained. "I'm 29 years old. Wasted my good years with Eriol."

"These are still your good years." I tried to cheer her up. She was distressed that she had been single for two years since their break up.

"Sakura, the men I go on dates with...jerks and weirdos. One guy, brought his dvd collection to our coffee date." She complained.

"It's rough out there." I said.

She looked at me seriously "What's it like to have only kissed one man, slept with one man your entire life."

I raised my shoulders "It's nice. Its being sorted for life." I was not sure what I was saying.

Tomoyo sighed "If only I didn't move in with Eriol." she closed her eyes. She took a deep breath as though to relax herself then said "So what's happening with you? Why did you suddenly want to come to the gym."

"Honestly?" I begun "I went to Syaoran office party yesterday. I felt out of place. The women there are gorgeous and smart."

"You are gorgeous and smart. You just aren't into superficial stuff." Tomoyo said to me.

"Well, I felt out of place. This girl Meiling, she has an ass you can bounce a quarter off."

Tomoyo looked at me with concern "I think Syaoran realised a long time ago what a catch you are and how lucky he is. I bet all those bitches look so ugly without make-up."

"I don't know."

"Is your sex life rocky?" She asked bluntly.

"No." I blushed "We do it almost everyday."

Tomoyo raised her eyebrows "You two have two children. Geez, when do you find the time."

I smiled "I know right. I have to just always be careful and never let my guard down so I don't get pregnant again."

...

A week later, we had a small gathering at our place where we invited our closest friends for drinks and a bbq. It was turning out to be a great day before Syaoran's colleague Meiling showed up. She claimed Syaoran had invited her. I was especially nice to her and did not want to seem jealous.

"She is really pretty." Ryu told me after meeting her. Even my son thought this woman was gorgeous. I watched from a distance while she interacted with Syaoran and felt almost angry.

"Daydreaming?" A voice startled me.

I looked up and it was Eriol. He looked rugged and shy at the same time as he approached me.

"Hi." I said to him still watching Syaoran and Meiling talking from the corner of my eye.

"Thanks for inviting me." He said raising his voice.

I dropped my gaze from Syaoran and looked at him "Ah, its okay. You and Tomoyo ended ages ago." I took a sip of my drink. "Do you know Meiling?"

"Yeah." He replied "Syaoran and I used to play with her when we were young. She always had a crush on him."

"She has a crush on him?" I asked.

"I don't know about now. But back then she did."

I nodded and took another sip of my drink.

...

That evening in bed Syaoran was telling me a story about Meiling. Apparently Meiling was good at Martial arts.

I rolled my eyes "Why don't you marry her then?" I kept all eye contact away.

"Whats that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. Nothing."

He looked surprised then he didn't push me further.

...

5 days later as I was doing the laundry, Ryu came into the kitchen. "Mom, I'm bored." He said.

"Go play in the yard." I told him focusing on the pile of clothes."

"Can I play with Riley?" He asked.

I shook my head "She is sleeping sweetheart."

"All my friends are on vacation. How come we didn't go on vacation?" He asked.

"We'll go next year."

He covered his eyes dramatically "Next year is so far away."

While he complained further I saw a red mark on one Syaoran's work shirts. The classic, cliche lipstick on shirt. I felt my heart breaking and tears started to fall from my eyes. I went into a trans. Im not sure for how long.

I suddenly felt Ryu shaking me "Mom. Riley awake." He said. "What's wrong."

I buried my head in hands and wept. I could hear Riley crying in the background and Ryu didn't know what to do.

Suddenly he came back in a few minutes with my phone "I called Dad." He said handing me the phone.

I took the phone from him.

"What happened Sakura? Whats wrong?" He asked me.

"Why is there lipstick on the collar of your shirt. Im pretty sure it's Meiling's." My voice was cracking.

"I can explain. Will you please wait for me to come home?"

I ended the call.

I went to Rileys room to get her. I could see Ryu watching me sadly from the couch in the living-room.

Within 30 minutes Syaoran was home. "You should not jump into conclusions." He said biting back on anger.

"You are always with her. You always talk about her. What am I supposed to think."

"You are supposed to trust and respect me." He said loosening his tie.

He closed the bedroom door.

"This is what happened...she tried to make a pass on me and I pushed her away."

Tears filled my eyes. "I don't believe you."

"What...Sakura that's it. The truth."

"When did this happen?"

"I don't know. About a week ago."

"And you still invited her to our home on the weekend and spoke about her like she was this awesome woman."

"That's because she is my friend despite how she feels about me.

I managed not to cry surprising myself. I walked past him and called Ryu's name.

He rushed upstairs.

"Pack up some clothes, we are going to grandpas."

He looked at me confused "What? Why?"

"Just do it. Don't forget to pack underwear."

He sighed annoyed.

Syaoran grabbed my wrist "You're going to your Dads?"

"I need to clear my head."

"Clear your head here. Lets talk this through. Im sorry, I should have told you."

I tried to bite back tears but they fell naturally from my eyes.

"Don't do that. Don't cry." He pleaded and tried to force me into a hug. I pushed him away.

"The point is I didn't cheat." He said.

"I think you have feeling for her."

His jaw dropped "No. Hell no."

"I don't believe you." I walked past him so that I can start packing my clothes.

"So you are just going to take the kids with you?"

"Yes." I responded.

"Don't you think you are overreacting?" He asked me.

I shook my head.

"I don't love her. I love you."

I refused to listen and left the house carrying a small suitcase in one hand and Riley in another. We drove for a few minutes when I realized the car was out of gas. I drove over to a gas station where Eriol saw me. I dreaded that I let him see me.

He walked over to the car.

"Are you okay?"

I wanted to say yes, Instead, I shook my head "No. No. I'm not okay."

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked me worryingly.

I nodded.

We went to the cafe nearby. The kids were sitting one side of the table while we spoke.

"So that's what happened." I told Eriol feeling stupid in retrospect.

"You deserve so much better." He said.

"My cousin can be so selfish."

I nodded agreeing "He doesn't understand how lucky he is."

"The last few years have had their rough patches" I confessed.

Eriol nodded and listened to everything.

After over an hour of chatting. I thanked him for listening. I felt much better.

"If you need someone to talk to, just call me." He said.

...

We were only at my fathers for 2 days. Syaoran came in the morning both days claiming to wan to see the kids. For the most part, he tried to talk to me but I did not respond the way he wanted. I ignored him. He even got flowers delivered.

On the second day, in the evening. Eriol came to the door. I let him in and we went to the kitchen for tea. My father was not home. Ryu was in the other room on the PlayStation.

"How are you doing now?" He asked me.

"Syaoran came here yesterday and today. I think I should move back home. All of this is confusing Ryu." I said.

Eriol said "Will you forgive him?"

"Yeah...I guess. My father told me last night that marriage is not easy. Syaoran and I rushed into it. We did everything so fast."

Eriol nodded looking into my eyes.

I looked away. He moved closer "I care about you."

I blushed.

"Alot...I think you are incredible and I hate how he treats you."

I looked at him surprised "You were with Tomoyo for years."

"Yes, but...you were the first woman I loved and yes, I spent years without thinking about you. But the other day you reminded me of how I felt about you."

I just stood there shocked.

Eriol leaned in and kissed me.

I kissed him back for a moment before pushing him away "That's inappropriate. I'm still married and I love Syaoran. I'll always love Syaoran."

"Sakura, he doesn't value you."

Tears flooded my eyes. I was getting sick of my crying.

"You don't know anything about us. Can you please leave?"

Eriol looked surprised. "You kissed me back."

"That was a mistake."

That evening I drove back home to find Syaoran waiting for us. He took Riley from me and kissed her while he told Ryu how much he missed him. There was still a tension between us. I noticed he had fixed some things in the house. He cleaned up and did the laundry. He watered the plants and racked the leaves from the yard. He looked at me apologetically. He apologized for the smallest things.

When we retired to our bedroom last night he walked up to me. "I love you. More that I can say. I know I can be insensitive." He said "But you are the only one I have ever loved or been in love with."

We kissed passionately.

"Wait, I have to tell you. We have to be open with each other." I said.

He nodded "Eriol kissed me."

...


	9. Chapter 9

The one I love

Chapter 9

Syaoran didn't blink for a moment staring at me confused. I reckoned he was wondering how Eriol even got in touch in the first place. He had become very much of a loner after he broke up with Tomoyo. He separated himself from the group and spent his time working on his book and teaching at a local university.

"So..." Syaoran finally spoke lost for words "Was this at your fathers house?"

I nodded "Yes. I really needed someone to talk to."

"Someone to talk to..." he muttered coldly to himself.

He sat on the bed and asked "Did you kiss him back."

I went up to him and sat next to him "For a moment." I knew this would upset him and he would ask about all the details.

He ran his hands through his fair and lines of stress appeared on his forehead "Why did you do that for?"

I raised my shoulders, the guilt swallowing me. For a moment I forgot why. It felt stupid for even confiding with Eriol. We were hardly ever friends. He was mostly Syaoran's cousin and Tomoyo's boyfriend.

"I did it because I thought I was getting even with you. It was stupid and immature for me to think that way. I know."

He shook his head "Unbelievable."

I touched his hand gently "I'm sorry." These words were becoming so common with us for the past few months. They felt overused and meaningless.

"Does he kiss better than I do." He said with disdain.

"I'm not going to answer that." I said calmly.

He was quiet. Thinking and I sat patiently waiting for him approval to feel better.

"I guess we have both made mistakes." He said standing up. "Im going to wash up and get ready for bed."

His calm reaction hurt me even more than a display of anger. I wish he told me that I had been unfair. I was the insecure one with trust issues. He was not without guilt, he stopped talking to me about things that were genuinely important and kept a portion of his life somewhat of a secret from me.

When he walked into the bathroom I heard Riley call me from her cage. I went to attend her. She was in high spirit unlike her parents. Her eyes were wide open, glimmering and ready to cease the night. She was developing a habit where she would sleep for an hour then stay up till midnight. We tried not to play with her or give her any attention but she did not care.

I carried her and took her to our room. There was a greater chance of her falling asleep in our bed. From the looks of it, Syaoran and I would not be doing anything in bed that would call for her not to be there.

Syaoran walked in from the bathroom "Well, not this again."

"I know right. I wish Riley could just love sleeping as much as Ryu did." I said as I tucked her in our bed and she attempted to me a story.

We could not sleep after 2 hours passed. She was in the middle of us singing songs and moving around. After 2 hours Syaoran got out of bed.

"I'm going out to see which restaurants are open." I sat up surprised.

"Um...its 11pm." I said.

He pulled up a pair of demin trousers and put on a t-shirt. "I know. Im just craving fast food right now."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Maybe you can take Riley with you. She always falls asleep during a drive."

Syaoran shook his head "Some other time. Do you want me to get you anything."

"Um...an ice-cream."

He nodded giving me a long gaze that made me both worried and suspicious. Suddenly he was gone. Slamming the front door on his way out. I did not know what to expect but he was definitely furious and trying to contain himself.

He was gone for an hour before he reappeared in the bedroom with a bag of fast food and an ice-cream. Riley was still awake and I had found myself playing with her and singing to her.

"Ice-cream and a burger." He said getting into bed.

He handed me the ice-cream "Where did you go."

"Um...Mcdonalds and then I went to Eriols house."

I gawked at him "To do what?"

"Kick his ass of course." He said in a casual tone.

"Wait...let me get this straight...you went to his house and assaulted him."

He took a bite out of the burger "Yes. I have a feeling we aren't friends anymore."

I was quiet and started with my ice-cream. I was not sure what to think. Perhaps he was right for doing that. It was a betrayal on Eriols part to try to kiss me. Syaoran trusted him. He was even the best man at our wedding.

We eventually slept that night. We tried singing and reading to her. We tried rocking her and playing with her. In the end, Syaoran put her for a drive around the block and she fell asleep.

...

That next day at work, I got an unexpected visitor. I was doing sketches for a great project I was hired to do on a contractual basis, a woman appeared in my cubicle. She smiled at me.

"So you do work here...Sakura Li." She said in a tone that would make one thing we were familiar with each other.

"Hi...Meiling." I said confused. How did she find out where I would be.

"Lets have coffee." She said happily.

I looked around me. The other artists in the room were staring at me.

"Um...alright." I said.

I put my pen down and followed Meiling as she walked in front of me. Swinging her hips and getting the attention of everyone in the room.

We went to the cafe downstairs. I was nervous. What could she possibly want with me. Did she have more information about her moments with my husband. Was she going to solemnly swear to stay away or was this an attempt for us to build a friendship.

I sat down and she kept this smirk on her face.

"You are really quiet. Bet you didn't expect to see me."

I pulled my dress over my knees nervous and intimidated. "No. I didn't. How did you even know where I was."

"I've been following you on twitter." she laughed to herself "A little starkerish...I know."

"A little." I agreed.

"Well. You don't need to worry. I just need to talk to you about Syaoran and you can't tell him I did this."

I looked at her. My eyes kept meeting this tiny mole next to her lips. Then I looked at her crimson lips and finding lipstick stains on Syaoran's shirt. There was a pinch in my heart as I tried to forget it.

"So, Syaoran told me to stay away from him...in a much tone of course." she sighed "Im not offended. I mean if some bitch tried to seduce my husband I would want her out of our lives."

"I didn't ask Syaoran to do that."

She leaned in "Maybe you didn't ask him but that's what you want right?"

I was silent.

"Anyway. I figured you know the truth and thought that I clarify it. I don't know why but I think it's necessary that you know the entire story from both sides."

"Alright. What happened."

She took a deep breath "Ever since I moved here, I've made no friends. Like people don't like me and I don't get why. Syaoran was the only person who was nice to be and offered me friendship. Our friendship came easy of course because we were friends as children and as a little girl I did like him. I just didn't know in what way. So the past few months, it was nice having a friend and not eating alone in the break room." she had tears in her eyes "and that's all it was for him. A gesture of friendship to someone who was living a lonely life. I don't know what I was thinking. I knew he didn't see me as more than a friend and he was married but the moment we were alone I tried to force myself on him. He rejected me. He was disgusted and told me how much he loves you."

She paused to look at me "It was a moment of weakness I suppose."

"I see."

"So, the next day I apologized and asked him to erase that from his memory. That I felt humiliated that I had become this person. And he did forget about it. He was still a friend. He still invited me to your house because he desperately wanted us to be friends. I guess he knew that if you knew what I had done, you would not give me a chance."

The waiter interrupted her. He both quickly ordered.

"Contrary to popular belief." she said "I'm not a horrible person. Yes, I am weak. But Im not horrible."

I shot her a smile and saw I had tears in my eyes.

"So, don't be so hard on him."

"I won't." I said.

She drank her cappuccino "I'm moving to Hong Kong anyway?"

"Is because of me?"

She took a deep breath "Because Im lonely here. I want to be with my family."

As I drove home after the meeting I felt ashamed. I had overreacted. I did not inquire, instead I presumed. I was putting my marriage under the rocks. I wanted to see Syaoran. I wanted to apologies and thank him for being a wonderful person. A wonderful father.

As I parked into the garage, my phone rang. It was Eriol from the caller ID. I contemplated if I should pick up. It made more sense to put an end to what ever he thought would happen between us once and for all.

"Hi." I said hastily. I wanted to make this as quick and as painless as possible.

"Sakura, Syaoran came in last night, started throwing punches..."

"Yea. What did you think was going to happen when he found out." I interjected.

"I understand. Yes. I just...I just wanna talk to you. I miss you."

I was surprised. Eriol must be on drugs, I thought.

"Eriol, please don't call me anymore. You need to respect Syaoran and I."

"Okay." he said then hung up.

I took a deep breath and erased my call history. I assumed it would make Syaoran furious to even know I answered the call.

When I got in the house through the garden entrance into the kitchen where I found Ryu doing his homework. He lifted his eyes, smiling from ear to ear. The gaps in his teeth showing.

"You're home." He said elated.

I smiled "And you are doing your homework. Do you need help." I said proud of him.

"Na...Mom...I don't really hate homework." He said now pretending to concentrate hard.

"You are the first kid to ever say that. Im glad. Where is your father?"

He raised his head up and said "Up stairs. Playing with Riley."

I walked to Ryu and ran my hands through his hair messing it up playfully.

"Mom. I;m trying to focus." he said.

I laughed a little "What do you want to have for dinner."

He finally looked at me "Bacon and toast."

"Why do I even bother asking."

"...and no vegetables please."

As I was bout to walk away. He grabbed the help of my blazer and asked in a whisper "Are you and Dad going to fight again."

My heart sunk and i realized I was so busy being mad and we were so busy arguing that we did not realize that he was witnessing all this.

"No. Why would you say that."

He released my blazer "Because you fight alot these days."

"Um..." I pulled the chair out from across him. "We only argue because sometimes we don't understand each other and get mad at each other trying to express ourselves."

Ryu was confused "what do you mean."

"Its like when you are out playing with your friends and I tell you to come in early. You get mad at me because you don't understand why Im making you come in early. The truth is, the only reason I do that is because its getting dark outside and I want you to be safe. I don't want to loose you. So with your dad, sometimes we are so scared of loosing each other, we just end up fighting about it."

"That's silly." he said.

"Very silly."

He nodded and started to write in his book "So, you are not getting a divorce."

I shook my head "No. We love each other too much."

"Promise?"

I shook my head confidently "Promise."

When I looked up I noticed Syaoran had been eavesdropping from the other room. He looked at me and smiled.

"I don't want us to be like my parents." He whispered to me as we cuddled up in bed.

"Me too."

...

The things that eventually lead to distance between us had nothing to do with affairs or our work schedules. In fact it came from nowhere, when we were content with each other for the period time and circumstances allowed us. Our happiness had diminished because of something so small. I can not remember when we started arguing but during that time


	10. Chapter 10

**The one I love**

**Chapter 10**

Saturday mornings was my favorite day of the week. We would all watch cartoons in front of the television in our pajamas after waking up late. Syaoran and I made breakfast while the kids waited impatiently in tv room. On this specific Saturday we had been in bed all morning chatting and kissing when the children demanded to come in and said they were hungry. We walked slowly downstairs to start on the food.

"Mom! Dad! Whats taking so long." Ryu cried and his sister repeated him as she was still trying to get hang of the words.

"Be patient!" I yelled back and I could hear him groaning.

We were taking long with breakfast because we had been gossiping about my father due to the female night gown I had found in his bathroom during my last visit. It was neatly folded in the laundry basket, pink and asking to be seen.

"Maybe he is a cross dresser." Syaoran joked laughing like a naughty adolescent surprised at his own knowledge of what a cross dresser is.

I smiled and shook my head "He must have a girlfriend. I wonder why he feels like he has to hide. I can handle him being in a relationship. In fact, I hope he is in one."

"What if he is just playing the field."

I raised an eyebrow " No.I doubt that. My father has virtue. My mother is the only woman he has ever loved and its taken all these years for him to start dating again."

"Ah, that is just your assumption." Syaoran said "Your Dad is a man. A healthy man would not go over 30 years without...hitting it."

I covered my ears "Eww I don't need to hear that. You are putting horrible images in my mind."

"That's the reality. Eventually we all have to accept our parents are adults and have needs. He might have been bringing women in while you were sleeping as a teenager."

I blushed and Syaoran laughed to himself. He found pleasure in my awkwardness. He thought it was cute and funny. I found it rather annoying but I was used to it. He did make some valid points but now I couldn't get the vision of my father having various affairs. I cringed and finished up breakfast.

Syaoran walked outside to collect the mail from the mail box. None of us had taken the initiative to look at the mail all week. For one, we were busy and also, the mail was often depressing with bills and bad news. I watched him through the kitchen window as he walked aimlessly. He looked at the lawn and I could tell he was concerned about how fast the grass had grown.

I moved away and went to join the children at the table. Riley still needed help eating. She was a picky eater and always tried to escape eating. She was cunning and sometimes I would chase her around the house on the brink of begging her.

Syaoran walked in.

"Its bills and a letter from your school Ryu." He waved a white envelop.

Ryu raised his head "That's weird. What does it say?" He adjusted his glasses looking nervous.

"It says that your mother and I should see your teacher last Thursday." Syaoran raised his eyebrows "Why didn't the school just call us?" He scratched his head.

"I didn't do anything." Ryu said defensively getting off the his chair to take a peek at the letter.

"I'm sure its no big deal." I said to him.

He seemed bothered by the fact that we would be chatting with his teacher about him. I was nervous too, I didn't want him to be in trouble.

On Monday morning, Syaoran and I walked through the empty school corridors which were pretty similar to those from our primary school days. We both became nostalgic and recalled the days when we would glance at each other in the high school hallways. We compared the little things that had changed. The vast number of subjects the kids had at their disposal.

We walked into Mrs. Taylors room. She was just about our age and from England. She stood up to give us a handshake. I was worried she would say we were bad parents. The worst part was that this meeting was meant to happen four days ago but we were neglectful of the mail.

"Thanks for seeing me." She said grabbing a folder from her desk.

I looked at Syaoran and he smiled at me to reassure me that I was worried for nothing. In my mind I imagined that Ryu did something absurd, so out of character.

She smiled "So, Im going to get straight to the point. The kids are in assembly and I will have to attend them soon."

"Yeah. Is there something wrong?" Syaoran asked.

"Not at all. In fact, its good news. Ryu is a really smart child."

"Yes, he is." I nodded.

"No, he is really really smart. He has received full marks in every subject for the past 3 years. His only weakness is PE where he scores a B."

Syaoran and I smiled at each other proud.

"Do you help him with his homework." she asked.

"No." Syaoran and I replied quickly at the same time.

"He does everything by himself. I used to try to tell him and he would say, mom that's wrong...this is how you do it."

Mrs. Taylor smiled "Well, we want him to be moved a grade up. This should have been done years ago."

"That would mean he starts middle school." Syaoran said.

Mrs. Taylor nodded. "And if he continues doing well he might just be moved up even further"

...

That evening we went to Ryu's favorite restaurant. We celebrated his accomplishment and Syaoran and I went to bed proud parents. We imagined him doing something great one day and reminiscence of the days when he was little and we were new parents. We recalled how we would take shifts at my fathers house while he cried through the night. It felt like we had done something right in life. Out of all of accomplishments our children were the best thing about us.

On the Monday evening as I drew sketches in the art room while Riley took a nap on the sofa on one side of the room, I heard the front door open. I imagined it was Syaoran and Ryu.

"Sakura..." Syaoran yelled out.

I could hear his voice approaching the room. I stopped drawing ready to stand up to hug and kiss him.

I could feel his presence before I even saw him. My heart jumped and I stood up. I felt the tickle of pink in my cheeks and I was a young girl again.

"Hi." He said as we embarrassed each other.

We kissed quickly.

"How was your day?"

He sighed "Stressing. I think I'm getting bored of the working world. I was in a meeting till 6."

"Really? When did you pick Ryu from school?"

He raised an eyebrow "Its not my turn to get him."

"Um...its not your turn. But Riley has a cold. I took her to the pediatrician, remember."

He raised his shoulders "When did you tell me that?"

"I text you...anyway that's not important right now. We need to go get him from school."

We both hurried to the car. I grabbed Riley and put her on the car seat. We didn't speak to each other on the way there. I kept wondering how everything went wrong. I could not pick Ryu up from school like I usually did because his classes now finished two hours later than they used to and I had planned Rileys appointment days before we knew this change. I looked at my phone to make sure the message went through and saw that it did. Why is Syaoran acting like I did not send the message?

Syaoran was serious. He tightened his lips and I thought I heard him grunt. He was driving fast while carefully aware of his surroundings.

We arrived at the school and found it secluded. In panic, we split calling out our sons name. There was no reply. We saw the night watch security guard and asked him if he had seen our son and he shook his head saying he was only starting work now.

We retired back to the car, I started to cry. I was worried, stressed and scared.

Syaoran put an arm around me "We will find him."

As we drove through the streets looking for him and calling out his name, I recalled the time he had asked me for a cellphone and I said no. I regretted that decision. I kept imagining how scared he must be and of the worst case scenarios. Syaoran was optimistic and asked me to call my father and our friends.

We drove for 30 minutes; no one had seen him.

Suddenly, out of hope, we drove back home. I was in the car for a moment unable to move. I starred down at my meet and muttered "We need to call the police."

Syaoran gently rubbed my back. "No need. He is here."

I looked up and there he was. Standing at the veranda with his big back pack and a soccer ball.

I rushed out of the car. Picked him up and kissed him.

As I released him, he looked at me with sadness in his eyes. "How did you get home."

He raised his shoulders dramatically "I walked."

Syaoran raised his eyebrows "You did...that's a long distance to.."

"I'm sorry." I interrupted Syaoran.

"You forgot about me." Ryu said disappointed. "I had the worst day of my life and then you forgot to pick me up from school."

Syaoran said to him "We did not forget about you. There was a misunderstanding between your mother and I."

Ryu sighed.

We all walked into the house while Syaoran explained the mix up where he made himself blameless.

"I did send your father a text message." I said.

Syaoran looked at me doubtfully and I knew he was unhappy with me as I was with him. Ryu marched to his room leaving Syaoran and I behind. Feeling guilt. For the first time, he was angry at us and had reason to be.

Syaoran told me to leave him alone when I attempted to go upstairs.

We sat at the dinner table quiet. There was silence with the exception of cutlery. I did not have an appetite for food. I wanted to go upstairs and explain myself.

Finally, after an hour, I knocked on Ryus room. He was busy reading a book. His forest green eyes trying not to look at me. I sat on the edge of his bed and said softly "Ryu, we didn't forget about you. It won't happen again."

He said nothing. I smiled "Desert is ready."

He did not flinch.

I could tell something was burdening him that went beyond me and Syaoran not picking him up from school. He did not want to talk to me and that hurt me. At ten years old he was acting like an angry teenager.

I left his room and entered the bedroom of Syaoran and I. He was already in bed watching TV, lying on his back with a distant look in his eyes.

"I did send the text." I told him walking to the bathroom.

"Yea. You did." He admitted.

I thought our disagreement was resolved until he followed me to the bathroom "I didn't see it because I was in a meeting. All day. I really wish you told me this morning."

I tied my hair up in a high ponytail "I did. You just don't listen to me."

He rolled his eyes "Fine. You are right Sakura. You are always right."

"I'm not trying to be right. I am just saying that..."

"...Im to blame for all this. Cause you don't want to feel like a bad parent."

"I didn't say that." I told him trying to restrain the tone of my voice.

"I know you well enough to know exactly how you are and how you think. You just want to be right and be the perfect one in this relationship."

My jaw dropped "Is that what you really think about me?" I asked him seriously.

"Yeah. That's what I think. And if anything, you made a mistake because I did say Ill be stuck in meetings all day today. Why the hell did you even consider asking me when I told you I'm busy. You could have asked your father. Also I didn't reply. You know me well enough to know that I always respond to your messages once I see them."

I clenched my jaw.

Syaoran went further and said "You are the wrong one."

I grunted out loud and walked past him. I jumped into bed and pulled all the covers towards me. I could hear the sound of closets opening and his footsteps patter on the wooden floor. He left the room and slammed the door on his way out.

I assumed he went to sleep on the couch and frankly did not care. I felt safe in my bed without him. I could not believe that there was a time when I couldn't even close my eyes when he was not by my side. But I was alright with the temporary solitude. My mind wandered to our relationship and I convinced myself that I had been unhappy so many times in our marriage. I thought of the last few years and the fights. My mind did not want to touch upon the good times. I thought of all of the bad and all of the things about my husband that drove me off the wall. His failure to communicate, which I could see in Ryu. The way he still sometimes sprinkled on the toilet seat when he peed or how he would leave it up. His lack of maturity. The way he teased me and enjoyed putting me in awkward situations. I started to think he was full of himself.

Tears filled my eyes. I was aware of how wrong I was in many aspects but I was angry and I was not going to give in this time. I was not going to let him get away with saying I want to be right all of the time when that was in fact not true. I cried into my pillow.

Needless to say, I never slept that night. I had dark circles under my eyes. I looked like someone who was going through moaning after loosing a loved one. I figured he would use the bathroom downstairs and I was right. We bumped into each other in the corridor and did not exchange words. I needed him to apologies and I was not going to speak until he did.

We used Ryu to communicate with each other on important things like who was going to pick him up from school today and food that needed replacing.

A whole week went by where we did not speak. In fact, I was worried about how long we would keep this up. I went into our bedroom alone. Our bedroom was the sanctuary of love and disdain. I walked from one side of the room to another aimlessly.

Suddenly the door swung open and Syaoran was there. He walked up to me and without saying anything, he kissed my mouth. My eyebrows shot up in utter shock. I pushed him away and then we exchanged heated glared before I moved towards him quickly to kiss him. I was unsure of what this was but I wanted it...I needed it. We kissed with passion and ferocity. There was anger and impatience in the way we touched. He ripped my shirt open and we moved to the bed. We had been so used to this, it was a pleasure we were not willing to let go despite the circumstance.

The next thing I know, we are making love. Without saying a word. We knew each others bodies very well. We knew each others needs. This felt different from anything we had ever done. It was predatory and intense. We could not look into each others eyes.

When it was over, he moved off from on top of me, breathing as heavily as I was. We were both looking up at the ceiling.

Did I dare to say something and finally break the silence.

He spoke "Shit." he muttered more to himself than to me.

I was unable to intercept in what context he meant it. Was he full of regret that we had allowed ourselves to give in to our desires? Was he pleased with what had happened?

I pulled the covers over my breasts and turned away from him.

I heard him get up and suddenly he was gone.

I was not sure how to feel about that. Did Syaoran suddenly hate me? Was this it...the thing that would tear us apart. I contemplated going downstairs and apologizing. However, I could not. My pride would not allow me and once again was angry at him and thought of all the ways he had offended me or brought me down over the years. I was angry that we were not talking and he came into the room just for sex.

My anger started to make sense and I promised myself that I would only speak once he had apologized.

We were both so engrossed in being right and waiting for an apology that 3 weeks passed since we uttered a word to each other. Syaoran moved back to our bed and sometimes we would have sex. The manner we did it started to make me uncomfortable to the point where I stopped responding to his advances. I was so ashamed of this fight. I was aware of how stupid it was to the point where I could not even confide in Tomoyo. I left a domestic matter, a secret that even the kids were unaware of.

One Sunday afternoon while I was at my fathers house and Syaoran took the kids out on a trip that I had not been invited to, my father looked at me shaking his head worryingly. I opened his fridge for some Ben and Jerry ice-cream and my plan was to do an online interview with a magazine. Draw two new pages for my latest manga project and watch movies.

"Why are you and Syaoran fighting this time?" He asked.

I put the ice cream on the counter and started my mission in the search of a spoon.

"Sakura..." He said to me.

"Yea Dad."

"You must be fighting with your husband."

I pretended to be shocked at the accusation "Um..no. Why do you think so."

"You slept here last night."

I sat on the high chair feeling like a guilty child. "They went to his grandfathers ranch on the country side."

"Why didn't you go?"

I bit my fingernail "I have work and besides, I didn't want to go."

"Sakura." He said again asking for honesty.

"Fine. We are fighting. I just don't want to talk about it because the reason and small and embarrassing."

"What is it."

I could feel tears sting my eyes. Why was I so damn sensitive. At 30 years old I still cried as easily as I did when I was 5.

"I don't know." I responded "I thought it was because we did not get Ryu from school but it feels like its so much more than that. Like we were holding in resentment for each other and that once incident opened a can of worms."

"One of you has to apologies. You are adults." he said sternly.

"I think he should."

"You do it. Just bring an end to it once and for all."

I sighed.

"And I can't have you hanging around here anymore."

I raised an eyebrow "Why not?"

"Ill be getting married soon."

My jaw dropped and I laughed.

"No, Seriously." He told me.

I started with my ice-cream and said to him "Since when did you start having a girlfriend; a finace for that matter?" I knew I was overacting my shock. Yes, I had suspected he had a lady friend of some sort.

"He name is Yuna. She is 40 years old and we have been seeing each other for a year." He said. He looked nervous.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

He sat on a chair "Well, your mother is the first woman I loved. She will always hold a special place in my heart and for years I had convinced myself that I did not want to be with anyone. Sure, I had a few flings here and there but its only till I met Yuna that I felt like its time to let go and be happy. Your mother would have wanted that."

I nodded "I'm happy for you. When can I meet her."

"What about tonight. I can ask her to come over."

I smiled "Okay. This will be fun." I had the urge to call Syaoran and tell him what had happened. I imagined he would enjoy hearing this but I could not. I just stared at my phone not ready to do it.

I met Yuna that evening. She was kind and looked younger than 30. She had been divorced for 10 years and had 1 child. She asked me about my life and about my career. She told me that her father and her wanted to start a family as soon as they get married. The thought of which was a surprise.

When I got back home, Syaoran and the children Were back from the trip. I took a deep breath at the the door and walked into the living-room where they all were looking tired.

"Mom!" Ryu came to me. "Look what great grandfather gave me...its an actual treasure map." He said excited.

I smiled back at him and looked at the map. I asked him questions and Riley told stories too. Syaoran just sat there quiet.

The kids soon left to watch tv in the other room.

It was just the two of us.

I turned to look at Syaoran and said "So my father is getting married."

He chuckled "Are you serious."

I nodded "Yes. You were right, he has had love affairs all these years. Though I dont want to think about it."

"Did you meet her?"

I looked into his eyes. "Yes."

"Well you won't believe this but my grandfather said my father got 25 year old pregnant."

My jaw dropped "So you're going to be a big brother."

Syaoran laughed "Yea."

"I'll be a big sister as soon as my Dad get married."

He laughed and drank wine and it felt like things were back to normal again. As soon as we woke up the next morning, things became awkward. We were too polite to each other and the playfulness in our relationship had disappeared. There was something superficial in our conversation. It was as though we were both restraining ourselves so that we did not fight.

...


	11. Chapter 11

**The one I love**

**Chapter 11**

**Words unspoken**

Syaoran is gone. It has only been 3 weeks and 4 days since he left. He said he could not take the arguments and needed to clear his head. I did not understand this logic. I have been hurting since the day he left. I would sit in my art room staring blankly outside the window and wonder if we would ever be a family again. I held unto my pen, I could not draw a thing. I was lifeless, uninspired and depressed. I wish he had explain to me why he thought it was better he came several times a week instead of sharing our bed. I could hear my kids playing outside in the yard. Almost oblivious to how serious the current situation was.

I recalled how abruptly his decision was made. We were in the kitchen after the kids had gone to bed and arguing about something small again. I was holding my own, trying to prove I was right and he was there looking aggravated. He spoke little but his eyes said so much. I knew this had gone too far. I kept silent and waited for him to make the next move.

He jumped off the counter and said "I need to clear my head."

I coaxed my head holding tightly on the dish cloth "What do you mean?"

He raised his shoulders "I'm sick of this."

"Of being married?" I asked in a soft fearful voice. I was so confident that this was a just a glinch in our marriage. It could easily be fixed. The fact that we argued meant we knew each other too well. We had become so free in front of one another to the point where we did not spare each others feelings.

His eyes looked up at the ceiling "Im not sure. Maybe."

My heart jumped then it broke to tiny pieces.

"You can't just throw away words like that." I said desperately looking outside the window as tears threatened to fall.

"Sakura, I think I should move out. For a few day. Just to think." he said.

"Am I suffocating you." I said in between silent sobs. "Because, I never intended to."

"I just need time."

I turned around. The tears in my eyes dried up suddenly "Where will you go?"

"At my mothers. Its not just us Sakura. I'm under a lot of stress, at work-with my parents."

I nodded pretending to understand.

"Okay." I said walking quickly past him seeking the shelter in my bed. I did not ask him what would be the arrangement with the kids. It felt like a real divorce. He didn't need me in his life. He used to always come to me when things were wrong and now it was as though he was trying to get away from me. When I woke up in the morning, he was gone. I was left with having to explain to the children what happened to their father. Later that morning he text me, he volunteered to get the kids from school everyday.

Suddenly, a weekend became days and days weeks. I cried myself to sleep every single night. It was the first time since I met Syaoran that I felt lonely. I started to resent him for leaving. I hated his presence and his failure to tell me what exactly was going on. He left me with nothing but assumptions.

...

I looked again at the window, sat up and stretched out my bones as though trying to reach the ceiling. In a moment I would be attending my fathers wedding. Syaoran would knock on the door with divorce papers I initiated. It was a moment that kept me awake all night. The moment damaged lovers will confirm their end.

I ran up to quickly change the children and myself. I warned them not to mess up their clothes like the typical mother. I combed Rileys dark brown hair while she looked in the mirror desperately hoping to go back and play.

"When is Dad coming?" Ryu uninterrupted us.

I purposely ignored the question and looked at the stain of his shirt. He had a red ball in his hand "Ryu...that ball is dirty!"

He looked down at his shirt and smiled awkwardly "Oops. I didn't relaise it."

I sighed and continued to tie his sisters hair. "Look for another shirt...quickly. How is grandfather going to feel"

"I think he will be okay." Ryu replied and I pretended not to hear. My nerves felt like they were about to pop.

The door bell rang. My heart did a few cartwheels. I could hear Ryu's foot setps as he rushed to open it.

I heard them chatting before Riley said "Daddy is here. Can I go see him mommy?"

I nodded and smiled a little. She ran downstairs elated.

He spoke to the kids for awhile. I sat on my bed listening on their conversation, playing nervously with my fingers. I knew he was going to come look for me. He would grab a few more of his things and we would talk like everything was normal.

I took a deep breath and he was there in our bedroom. He was wearing navy blue suit with a black skinny tie. I raised up my head and smiled.

"Hi." He said.

"Hey."

He leaned against the wall. He had recently started to grow a beard. He had quit his job to start a bar. All things I would not have approved of if things were fine between us.

"You changed the color of your hair. Its dark brown." He said sheepishly.

I tucked my hair behind my ear and nodded.

"Its also really straight." he added.

"I thought I'd try something new."

He nodded and said sitting up straight "I left the papers on the table in your art room."

"Alright." I replied.

"I'm gonna head out to your Dads wedding."

I stood up quickly "Lets take your car..."

"Together?" He asked me confused.

"Yea." I pulled the helm of my light yellow bridesmaid dress.

"Sure..." He replied turning his back.

"For the kids." I added quickly.

We got into the car. This children were excited with the idea. Riley used every excuse for her father to carry her. We got into Syaoran car. He started to engine. His eyes would meet mine at almost every instance. It was strange and I looked out the window to keep myself from looking into his eyes. It hurt every time. "You really hurt me." is what I would have said there and then. "You saw my tears so many times but you just stood there."

He chatted to the kids, taking on the role of cool Dad. He told them jokes and asked them about what they wanted to do on the summer.

When we reached the the wedding location, at nature reserve on the outskirts of town. He looked at me. I looked at him, thinking he was about to tell me something. There was something desperate and sad in his eyes and I assumed he saw the same in me.

I looked at the arm that rested on his knee. It was trembling.

Finally he said "We are here!"

We all walked into the garden court together. Syaoran was carrying Riley.

We were greeted by friends and family at the entrance. The place was beautifully decorated with light yellow, lavender and white flowers. I had to leave to take my place as a brides maid. I decided to chat up Tomoyo first. She was standing by the cake. She was staring at it and shaking her head.

"Whats wrong with you?" I asked starting her. She looked beautiful in a forest green dress with lace detail on the chest area.

"I can't believe your Dad is getting married."

I smiled "Me too."

"I'm so tired of going to other peoples weddings Sakura. I am 31 years old now damn it. Next thing you know, I forty and next thing Im about to go through menopause and I have 100 cats."

"Don't give up." I hugged her. "Marriage is also not as nice as you think."

She rolled her eyes "I wanna be married so I can get the chance to hate it like most people."

I laughed dryly. "I am going to have to survive this wedding with Syaoran lurking at every corner."

"Syaoran is here?" Tomoyo looked around quickly.

I nodded "Yeap, my father invited him. Which makes sense with all things considered."

"He looks nice." She said when she saw him. I was certain Syaoran figured out that we were talking about him.

I turned halfway to look at him. Tomoyo was right, he looked handsome. But he has always been handsome. It seemed like every ounce of immaturity in him had disappeared.

"Its as though he is not a boy anymore and is moving into...manhood." Tomoyo said. I knew she wanted us back together. She wanted me to desire him.

I raised my shoulders "I guess."

"I want the two of you to be together." She told me, not to my surprised.

I shook my head "You have no idea how complicated things are."

"It can be fixed. You don't need to get a divorce." She said sadly.

"We don't even talk anymore. We are on some break he initiated. I mean even when we were living together, we argued without know what we were arguing about. We stopped saying we loved each other. Speaking our feelings felt no longer allowed. Some people work things out and some...don't. We can't just sit around and wait for things to completely collapse." I spoke boldly yet I was crumbling and could hardly believe what I was saying.

Tomoyo leaned in and gave me a quick hug. I wished for a moment she didn't but at the same time, it was exactly what I needed. People were already talking. Some thought we had already split. We were like strangers in public. Someone was bound to start a rumor.

The wedding was beautiful. I was happy to see my father was happy. He smiled from ear to ear as his bride walked down the isle. I was reminded of my wedding. I looked at Syaoran sitting in the front role from the corner of my eye. My eyes did that, they always looked for him. It was almost beyond my control.

At the reception we all sat at the same table. I was busy talking to several people after dancing with my father and congratulating him and his wife. Most of the people that spoke to me were single men. Some worked with my father and others were friends from my now step-mothers side of the family. I could see Syaoran staring whenever I spoke to someone of the opposite sex. I noticed how he started drinking. He was talking to people and then he was sitting by himself. He later found a spot at the bar. He sat quietly with a bored look on his face.

I detached myself from the crowd and decided to take a stroll. I walked through the garden aimlessly. I sat at a bench in the middle of a field of red roses and a pathway leading to it. I thought about my mother and the short life she lived. She was a mother for 7 years with Touya. I hit me how incredibly young she was when cancer met her. I was now older than her when she passed away, 30...a 30 year old. 31 in a month.

I was not sure how happy I was. I started thinking about Syaoran again. The center of my every thought. Everything about him. Suddenly he was standing in front of me. He looked clueless and had his hands in his pocked.

"If there was ever a time for us to say how we feel its now." He said walking up to me.

"The children won't hear us..."

I nodded trying to keep a confident face.

He sat next to me. He tried to speak but stuttered. His lower lip trembled and then he spoke a full sentence "I don't think we should get a divorce. I didn't sign the papers."

I looked at him surprised.

"I don't know why you sent me those papers. I don't know if you are just trying to threaten me."

"I'm serious." I said to him "You hurt me. You moved out of the house."

"I just needed to clear my head."

"Going for a walk is clearing your head, not leaving your family behind." I could feel myself about to explode.

"I didn't leave the family behind. I was with the kids everyday." He said defensively gritting his teeth after.

"But not with me." I said. "You left me alone Syaoran. The way I saw it, you didn't want to be with me and Im not going to sit around and wait to be hurt further."

He touched my hand. His hand was trembling. "Im so sorry for that. I just wanted to keep this image of you and I. Don't loose faith in us Sakura."

Tears filled his eyes and suddenly tears were in my eyes too.

"I'll come back home. I don't want to fight." he said desperately.

I took a deep breath and pulled my hand away slowly.

"I love you."

I raised my shoulders "Just because people love each other doesn't mean they should be together."

"No, you are wrong."

"You only want me back because of the divorce paper. You would not have come back home if it was not for them."

He was quiet and I sat back down "I don't know how to talk to you anymore. I think we got married too young. I think we would have been happier if we waited."

He clenched his jaw.

"You don't understand Sakura."

My heart beat fast. "Make me understand."

He suddenly kissed me. I pulled away.

"No, don't. You can't just kiss me when ever you want."

He cradled his face in his hands and shook his head. "I believed in us."

"No you don't believe in us." Tears spilled from my eyes.

"If I didn't believe in us we wouldn't be in this situation right now. If I didn't believe in us I would never have asked you to marry me. Can we please stop blaming each other and say how we feel in our hearts? I'm a wreck. I know moving out was stupid and after I did it, I didn't know how to get back into your heart. I hurt you. I know. But I can't imagine living the rest of my life without you Sakura."

I was quiet. He moved closer and tilted my chin with his forefinger so that my eyes can look into his. "Talk to me Sakura. Say anything."

I was quiet. My lower lip quivered.

"Do you really want me out of your life forever?"

I closed my eyes.

"Talk to me Sakura."

"Do you believe me when I say I love you. I love all of the women that you are. If we are going to spend the rest of our lives arguing and arguing, that is fine. As long as we are together."

"I..."

He nodded encouraging me to speak further.

"Ive been unhappy."

"Ive been unhappy too" he said resting his forehead against mine.

"Then why do we need to keep trying?"

He spoke in a half whisper "Because I want you...I don't want to give up on us. I think we can start all over gain."

My heart beat was fast and I felt like his arms were where I belonged. This was home. He was what I knew and what I loved. Despite everything, this is where I needed to be. I reached out and squeezed his hand. I was moved by his sadness.

"Sakura!" I heard someone call out my name. It was Tomoyo. She kept calling until I yelled back. I could hear her running towards me, following the sound of my voice. There was panic and fear in hers.

She found us and caught her breathe. I stood up, worried and waiting anxiously.

"Its Ryu...he is not feeling so well."

I raised my eyebrows surprised. He was healthy this morning.

"What happened?" Syaoran quickly interjected.

"He has a fever, said his stomach has been giving him pain for a week now."

Syaoran and I looked at each other started running to where he was. We found him coiled up on the sofa in the one private guest lounge clenching his teeth, holding his stomach. His face was pale. I ran to his side to cradle him in my arms. He had tears in his eyes which he was clearly trying to hold back.

"It hurts mom. It hurts."

Syaoran sat next to him "show me where it hurts." he demanded worryingly.

Ryu touched the lower right of his abdomen, near the naval.

"I think its appendices" He said touching where the pain was coming from "Ill carry you to the car."

Syaoran carried him and we drove to the hospital. Our daughter was with Tomoyo. He drove fast while Ryu tried not supress his cries.

When we arrived, the doctors immediately took our son to the emergency room for examination. Within 30 minutes we were told it was appendices and that he would need surgery immediately. I tried to ration my breath and I thought to myself "Things are already bad as they are."

We sat in the waiting room next to each other holding hands. Syaoran was quiet when nervous and I usually shook my foot quickly.

"It's going to be okay." Syaoran would say to me.

We saw him before the surgery. He acted brave but I could see absolute fear in his eyes. We assured him it was a minor problem. In the end he told us specifically what was wrong with him. He said it "Its a simple procedure. Don't worry."

As we waited again in that quiet hospital room, Syaoran looked at me and said suddenly "Can you believe he was giving us a biology lesson?"

I smiled "Yeah. He is amazing isn't he."

Syaoran nodded "absolutely."

"I called Tomoyo. Riley is okay though she does not want to go to bed and keeps asking about us. Can I give her sleeping pills?"

I sighed "Just don't play with her."

Syaoran's eyes were fixed on the vending machine.

"I always imagined we would have another child."

I blushed.

"But sometimes I worry we have messed Ryu up already and we don't realize it." he said worryingly.

"Me too." I agreed. "We could have had a third child if you agreed to carry him or her the next time."

He laughed "Its a deal."

A thick silence settled between us again. And then Syaoran said

"I regret being away from all of you for so long. It was selfish." he spoke with out hesitation in his voice.

I said nothing but placed my hand over his.

"I...I don't want us to get a divorce. Its ridiculous. I won't sign those papers Kura."

We looked at each other meaningfully then hugged like it was the first time. I cried in his shoulders. I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. I failed to understand how we did not understand each other the past few months. "I love you." I told him feeling like myself again.

He looked into my eyes and I into his when the doctor interrupted us.

He was a tall man with blonde hair and blue eyes. He was handsome and I pretended not to notice as he explained the fate of our son.

"Im Doctor Carter." He said shaking Syaoran's hand and then mine.

"Ryuchi Li...is going to be just fine. A little scar on his lower abdomen. He will have to stay on bed rest for awhile. Let the wound heel."

"Thank goodness." I said with my hand on my heart.

Syaoran inquired more about the surgery procedure and when he would wake up. He asked about appedicites in general and how and why it happened. I pretended to listen but I was looking at Syaoran. I was smiling inwardly. I was happy Ryu would be fine.

...

Syaoran and I sat in Ryu's room and waited for sleep to find us but it didn't until the early hours of the morning. We chatted in half whispers. We watched him sleep then gave each other long meaningful looks. There was no need for words. We knew each other again.

I fell asleep on chair with elbow resting on the arms on the chair gently on my cheek. When I woke up that morning, my husband was awake. He was looking out the window. The bright yellow sun rays beamed across his beard as he sipped on coffee.

"Syaoran. I said opening my eyes slowly." I could smell strong coffee.

He averted his head and smiled. He put the cup of coffee on the window sill and walked up to be. He stood to my level and kissed my lips. He stopped and I wish he didn't.

I cupped my hand behind his head and played with the bangs of his hair.

"The doctor said Ryu should wake up today and we can take him home tomorrow. I got you a latte." He stood up and brought the latte to me. It was luke warm but I drank it happily and pleased.

Within 30 minutes my father and his wife visited. They were on their way to the airport for their honeymoon in Bali and decided they would stop to check on Ryu on their way to the airport. They left behind Candy and a letter for him.

Soon after ,Tomoyo arrived with Ryu. She looked like she had a sleepless night. She did not wear make up and had her normally loose hair in a ponytail.

"Does your daughter ever sleep?" She complained while Riley ran to the bed to look at her brother. She poked his cheeks and his nose "Ryu...wake up. Wake up Ryu." She said. Her hair was curled up in a neat ponytail. She looked like Syaorans mother for the most part, with a few Kinomoto traits. She wore a blue sailor dress that Tomoyo designed for her and red pumps.

"Is he sleeping?" She asked before Syaoran gently tore her away from the bed and carried her in his arms. She giggled and pulled Syaorans nose like they usually did when they played.

The Doctor came in to check up on us. He was surprised at how full the room was. I noticed him smile at Tomoyo and Tomoyo blush and look away. I could tell she didn't feel confident without make up and eye bags from a sleepless night.

"This is Tomoyo...she is the godmother of our children and a dear family friend."

Tomoyo was blushing like a school girl at the Doctor was was eyeing her every time he finished a sentence.

When the tall blonde Doctor left the room. I teased Tomoyo and jabbed her playfully in the stomach. "He is okay, I suppose. As far as hot doctors go." She said modestly. I could tell she was not going to sleep tonight. Occupied in the thoughts of a new romance.

I was not going to sleep either. I was somewhat nervous about what would happen when we get home. How we were going to settle back to our old life.

Syaoran was suddenly standing next to me. He kissed my mouth and we smiled. Then Tomoyo clapped her hands cheerfully. "All is right in the world."

Her clap woke up Ryu. I saw him open his emerald eyes. He closed them again and he opened them widely this time.

"Mom...Dad..." He said. "What happened?" He seemed more surprise that Syaoran and I were together and happy.

...

On Monday evening. Ryu was in his bed and Riley fell asleep quickly. Syaoran had moved back into the house while I was alone at the hospital looking after the children. I ripped the divorce papers personally and called my lawyer. I regretted that decision.

We made dinner and talked. Mostly about what we had missed out from each others lives while separated.

We were drinking wine and watching tv. I fantasied us kissing on the couch. My hair spread all over it while he drew me closer into him. "3 months, 4 days." I said out loud the last time since we made love.

"What?" He asked raising a brow.

"Nothing." I blushed like a coy adolescent. I thought about the time we first met in detention, the time we first kissed in the classroom and ultimately the time he took my virginity. The fear and excitement that filled my heart. I felt that way tonight.

"Do you wanna call it a night?" He asked me casually.

"Yeah." I said feeling the effect of alcohol in my legs as they wobbled. I fell into Syaorans chest...accidentally and on purpose.

He gently pushed me away but taking hold of my shoulders.

"You are as beautiful as the day I met you." He said "You will never understand how much you mean to me."

Before I could speak he kissed me. He kissed me deeply and softly.

And for the first time in a long time.

I felt alive.

THE END


End file.
